What I’ve learned (and something I haven’t)

What I learned in high school:

Who do you think you are? Dream small.

What I learned in university studying journalism:

I’m on the wrong career track. I want to write for a living but I want to write stories that last.

What I learned at the Banff School of Fine Arts:

I’m much funnier than they gave me credit for in university. Maybe that was because I wasn’t so angry all the time as soon as I got out of journalism school.

What I learned in my 20s:

I used to believe a bad thing: Pay your dues. Be patient. Wait your turn.

(What was implied: “This has nothing to do with keeping us up by keeping you down.”)

What I learned in my 30s:

I wanted to be a spiritual person for the comfort. It didn’t stick because I looked honestly at all the suffering. Also, I unlearned the lesson from my 20s. Underestimating me and keeping me a second-class citizen was always about fulfilling other people’s dreams.

What I learned in my 40s:

My kids redefined love for me. They expanded my capacity.

What I’ve learned in my 50s:

Not everyone who acts like a friend really is. Unfortunately, learned that lesson before but I think this time I really get it. Betrayal sucks and sticks. Not everyone you meet along the way will stay by your side. For those who do, we cherish and support each other. We stick together.

What I know now:

Dream bigger. Ask for help. Work like hell to make it happen.

I have yet to learn:

Forgiveness. Yes, I hold grudges. In AFTER Life, the flawed hero admits that he supposes he must have forgiven somebody once but he can’t think of a single example of having done so. That’s me. I’m not sure that forgiveness is something I want to learn, either. If someone treats me badly, shouldn’t heightened vigilance and isolation simply be called learning? People can make mistakes and I’ll let that go, of course. (I’m Canadian.) But when malice is involved? Hell, no.

~ I am Robert Chazz Chute. I write apocalyptic epics and killer crime thrillers and I’m best known for This Plague of Days. My latest books are The Night Man and Amid Mortal Words.