NSFW: A fun little excerpt from my work-in-progress Hollywood Jesus

I’ve had trouble breaking through a plot problem with Hollywood Jesus, the third instalment of The Hit Man Series. This afternoon it came to me how to amp up the rush and now I’m plunging forward through the book again, writing madly.

One of the things I enjoy about my main character, Jesus Diaz, is that he’s such a smart ass. That leads to more jokes and fun dialogue amid the heart-wrenching carnage, sex and violence. Here’s a bit I wrote tonight:

“Who’s the client?” you asked your boss, friend and amateur Ving Rhames lookalike, Chillie Gillie.

Chill wouldn’t say. Three worry deep lines appeared on his forehead, so you knew the client was a friend.

“What’d Fitzwald do?”

“Maybe nothing. Right now, all we know for sure is he’s an asshole. This a search for evidence sort of deal. This is not a search and destroy mission, you dig?”

“I dig, Shaft.”

Chill pulls a puss. “Shut your mouth.” 

“What? Just haven’t heard anybody say ‘dig’ in a long time.”

 “I’m bringing it back. I’m also thinking of bringing back the word ‘groovy’.”

“Groovy. I can dig it.”

“There you go.”

~ Bigger Than Jesus by Robert Chazz Chute is #1. Higher Than Jesus is #2. Look for the next book in the series at the end of April. 

The Moving Forward Edition

On today’s podcast, Alex Jones stars as Yosemite Sam, special shout outs abound and we get Higher Than Jesus, Chapter 1. Strap in.

To hear the hilarious 40 Year Old Boy Podcast I referred to in this podcast, go to MikeSchmidtcomedy.com. On the January 10 show, Mike talks about my books, Higher Than Jesus and me sending him bad chicken through the mail. 

Clips today from Bugs Bunny, Dylan Rattigan of MSNBC and Cenk Uygur of The Young Turks. This podcast is sponsored by the most skilled graphic artist of his generation, Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com. Music for this podcast (including All This, Mistake the Getaway and Pop Goes the Weasel) supplied by Kevin MacLeod of Incompetech.com. 

Need more drama at a safe distance and some sexy cool suspense in your life? Check out all the links for books by Robert Chazz Chute.

Thanks for listening and reading! If you like it, please review it on iTunes or Amazon. Cheers!

Part II: Losing to win

See Part I: The best life advice I ever heard at ChazzWrites.com.

I’ve spoken to several friends lately who have hit roadblocks in their businesses and in their lives. Like you, I’m one of those people working on achieving dreams. I’m not where I need to be yet. However, the solutions to breaking through those roadblocks to success are waiting for us to see them and act, whether it’s turning a hobby into a career or taking charge of aspects of our lives we’ve let slide.

We can climb out of this ditch we’re in and get back on the right road. Here’s my real life example of how I’m doing it, because I’m a loser, baby!

1. Despite excellent reviews, my book sales are in the septic tank. The problem of book sales permeates the industry at the moment, but I can’t control the industry. I can only control how I respond to the market. I only work on what I can control. Everything else is pointless worry. (Plots and plans for world domination await below.)

2. Financially, things are not peachy. (Even less peachy than I thought, in fact.) My tin cup has no coin rattle when I shake it. Business-wise, I need to expand my sphere of influence. Every few minutes, someone retweets a post from ChazzWrites.com, so you’d think I’d be better off than I am. However, I have to make more people aware that Ex Parte Press is a party they want to join. That means more podcast listeners, more hits on my author site. Hey, I’m a player!

3. Physically, I have wrist pain and I have a lot of weight to lose. (More tonnage  than I thought.) I can rehab the wrist pain and take preventive measures. I have a lot of experience fixing injuries. I’ve also done extensive research on weight loss and I have a plan I am executing.

4. Mentally? I’m detoxing (as addicts of all stripes must). I feel lighter. I have clarity and I now know exactly how bad things are. You have to have that assessment before things can get better. Soon, they will.

5. Spiritually, I’m okay because God helps them what helps themselves and I have a plan. I am, despite everything, optimistic. I’ve been a skeptic and I’ve been a cynic. The old me would argue for failure and win. That’s what a loser does.

So let’s get to the plan:

A. I’m taking better care of myself physically. How can anyone hope to grow their business if they can’t grow as people? I’m stepping outside my comfort zone. That’s where the movement  up is waiting.

B. I’m writing more books and have committed to 10,000 words a week. I’ll let you know when I make that word count and when I don’t. With the camera on and our grand intentions declared publicly, we work harder on follow-through.

C. Aside from continuing to podcast, I’m doing more with my author site and blogging about weight loss and my journey back to sexy. Readership over at AllThatChazz.com is already growing since there might be a few people who share my concerns about health and happiness. Maybe. (You caught the sarcasm, right?)

D. Strangers worldwide find The Magic That is Me through the All That Chazz podcast. It’s beginning to morph into something else, with more attitude and, I think, a wider appeal.

E. Measurement. As I’ve often pushed here, that which is not measured cannot be improved, whether it’s tonnage or book sales or hits or new listeners. But measurement is only powerful if paired with:

F. Accountability. I’m really putting myself out there by declaring my intentions for 2013. I’m accountable to readers and listeners as I lose the weight, make the weekly word counts and put out the books. I’ve done several weight loss programs and they all work for a while. No matter the approach, the single common component is that you report to someone, once a week or more, to gauge progress or lack thereof. It’s a strong corrective mechanism to learn from your mistakes. It’s a powerful preventative strategy when you see something  sugary in the grocery store but think, I have to account for that.

I’m accountable to you.

And, as of Jan 6, I’m reporting to you that I weigh 265 pounds and I’m 5’8.5″. 

I won’t get taller, so I have 100 pounds to lose.

It’s okay. This is the part of the movie where the guy is a broke loser. I’m writing my story and this story arc is going to be very impressive.

Just watch me.

~ Robert Chazz Chute is a suspense writer and author of crime novels. A dude in university once told Chazz he suffered “DOGS”— delusions of grandeur. F&*$! that dude! Listen to the latest All That Chazz podcast here. Check out Chazz’s books here.

What will you eat to lose weight in 2013?

Is this turning into a weight loss blog? No, not exactly, but it’s all me, me, me. In that sense, it’s like all author sites. I’m opening up more so you can always expect podcasts and fiction here, along with links to my books. And yes, we’re tracking my climb back to sexy.

Here’s a bit of the overview from The Bulletproof Executive. Click the image for more.

I’m drinking my version of the coffee (can’t afford the real thing) and juicing fruits and vegetables (a la Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.) Feeling more energy and all’s well. What are you doing to be healthier in 2013?

 

The Bigger Than Jesus Finale

Jesus versus Salvador Dali and the FBI! These are the last two chapters of Bigger Than Jesus by Robert Chazz Chute: The Man You Are Not and The Man You Are. Enjoy! 

Next episode: I interview Scout Trooper, master unicyclist and videographer/marketing genius Brian MacKenzie. Then we start a new reading: Higher Than Jesus. Expect explosions, jokes, sex and violence and funny surprises. Bad guys will burn! Um…I’m talking about my next crime novel, not the Brian MacKenzie interview. It will all be fun.

Check out our sponsor, Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com, for excellent web banners, Quote Art, book covers and more!