Books and podcasts by Robert Chazz Chute.
Book covers by Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com.
Music: Pop Goes the Weasel by Kevin MacLeod of Incompetech.com.
Protect your home from thieves, ninjas and quirky assassins
I’m working on the next book in the Hit Man Series, Hollywood Jesus. Here’s a little excerpt from the first chapter. Read between the lines, and you’ll find some tips on protecting your home from burglars…or quirky assassins with mommy issues.
On TV, the hero slips a credit card into the edge of a door to pick a lock. That destroys the credit card — who needs that hassle unless it isn’t your credit card? — and isn’t nearly as easy as it looks except with cheap motel doors. The next option is to pull out a lock pick set and get to work, hoping a nosy neighbor doesn’t spot you while you struggle to overcome the lock. It’s not just picky work. It’s nit-picky and plenty of locks are different so you have to take the time to learn the lock. More hassle. If Dexter episodes went down in real time, it would be a much longer and more boring show.
You’ve used the hockey stick and bicycle chain trick to rip off doorknobs, but since you’d look suspicious walking around with that sort of bulge in your sports jacket, you’ve left that tool at home. That’s your only complaint about West Coast weather: The sun always shines in Hollywood, so no stylish trench coat for you.
If you were a brainless thug, the quickest way into Fitzwald’s house is simply to kick in the door, making sure your heel connects full force by the lock. That’s almost always effective. Even paranoid homeowners may spend $1,000 on a security door, but they spend the least they can on the installer so the frame is $25 worth of wood and the screws that hold it in place are usually way too short. One or two kicks gets you in quicker than fumbling with a key. That makes plenty of noise, though, and that choice could end badly with you tying up the nosy old man from next-door with electrical cord. One heart attack that’s another murder charge against you. Who needs it?
The key to a happy life is less stress, so you do the brainy thug thing: You look. The key isn’t under the mat or on top of the doorframe. It’s under the second flower pot you check. The homeowner would have had half a chance of keeping you out if he’d thought to at least stick the spare key in the pot’s dirt. That would have stymied you easily, but since no one wants dirty fingernails, you’re standing in Fitzwald’s house, easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.
As you step into the living room, a motion detector shines red and a shrill alarm goes off, jangling your nerves. However, alarms are even easier to deal with than people who leave their house keys in predictable places…
~ Robert Chazz Chute is a crime novelist and suspense writer who podcasts weekly, but never weakly (see below for the latest podcast.) To begin The Hit Man Series, Bigger Than Jesus is for sale at the low introductory price of just .99 cents because the first taste is cheap. Once you’re hooked as a thriller fan, the second in the series is Higher Than Jesus. Enjoy.
Part II: Losing to win
See Part I: The best life advice I ever heard at ChazzWrites.com.
I’ve spoken to several friends lately who have hit roadblocks in their businesses and in their lives. Like you, I’m one of those people working on achieving dreams. I’m not where I need to be yet. However, the solutions to breaking through those roadblocks to success are waiting for us to see them and act, whether it’s turning a hobby into a career or taking charge of aspects of our lives we’ve let slide.
We can climb out of this ditch we’re in and get back on the right road. Here’s my real life example of how I’m doing it, because I’m a loser, baby!
1. Despite excellent reviews, my book sales are in the septic tank. The problem of book sales permeates the industry at the moment, but I can’t control the industry. I can only control how I respond to the market. I only work on what I can control. Everything else is pointless worry. (Plots and plans for world domination await below.)
2. Financially, things are not peachy. (Even less peachy than I thought, in fact.) My tin cup has no coin rattle when I shake it. Business-wise, I need to expand my sphere of influence. Every few minutes, someone retweets a post from ChazzWrites.com, so you’d think I’d be better off than I am. However, I have to make more people aware that Ex Parte Press is a party they want to join. That means more podcast listeners, more hits on my author site. Hey, I’m a player!
3. Physically, I have wrist pain and I have a lot of weight to lose. (More tonnage than I thought.) I can rehab the wrist pain and take preventive measures. I have a lot of experience fixing injuries. I’ve also done extensive research on weight loss and I have a plan I am executing.
4. Mentally? I’m detoxing (as addicts of all stripes must). I feel lighter. I have clarity and I now know exactly how bad things are. You have to have that assessment before things can get better. Soon, they will.
5. Spiritually, I’m okay because God helps them what helps themselves and I have a plan. I am, despite everything, optimistic. I’ve been a skeptic and I’ve been a cynic. The old me would argue for failure and win. That’s what a loser does.
So let’s get to the plan:
A. I’m taking better care of myself physically. How can anyone hope to grow their business if they can’t grow as people? I’m stepping outside my comfort zone. That’s where the movement up is waiting.
B. I’m writing more books and have committed to 10,000 words a week. I’ll let you know when I make that word count and when I don’t. With the camera on and our grand intentions declared publicly, we work harder on follow-through.
C. Aside from continuing to podcast, I’m doing more with my author site and blogging about weight loss and my journey back to sexy. Readership over at AllThatChazz.com is already growing since there might be a few people who share my concerns about health and happiness. Maybe. (You caught the sarcasm, right?)
D. Strangers worldwide find The Magic That is Me through the All That Chazz podcast. It’s beginning to morph into something else, with more attitude and, I think, a wider appeal.
E. Measurement. As I’ve often pushed here, that which is not measured cannot be improved, whether it’s tonnage or book sales or hits or new listeners. But measurement is only powerful if paired with:
F. Accountability. I’m really putting myself out there by declaring my intentions for 2013. I’m accountable to readers and listeners as I lose the weight, make the weekly word counts and put out the books. I’ve done several weight loss programs and they all work for a while. No matter the approach, the single common component is that you report to someone, once a week or more, to gauge progress or lack thereof. It’s a strong corrective mechanism to learn from your mistakes. It’s a powerful preventative strategy when you see something sugary in the grocery store but think, I have to account for that.
I’m accountable to you.
And, as of Jan 6, I’m reporting to you that I weigh 265 pounds and I’m 5’8.5″.
I won’t get taller, so I have 100 pounds to lose.
It’s okay. This is the part of the movie where the guy is a broke loser. I’m writing my story and this story arc is going to be very impressive.
Just watch me.
~ Robert Chazz Chute is a suspense writer and author of crime novels. A dude in university once told Chazz he suffered “DOGS”— delusions of grandeur. F&*$! that dude! Listen to the latest All That Chazz podcast here. Check out Chazz’s books here.
#Giveaway: Murders Among Dead Trees
Merry Christmas! I just published my last short story collection, probably ever (but this is the definitive one!) From Dec. 17 to Dec. 21st, you can download and read it for free.
What’s inside?
In End of the Line, a bill collector tries to con the wrong woman, a dangerously powerful one. The Fortune Teller tells the truth and a blind date takes a bad turn. Clean Up is a reunion in which surprising family secrets are revealed to bad ends. In A Gift for Curses, a deadly god walks among us and he’s not much happy with us, either. Cuthian’s Wake is a pick-up artist’s story of loss and discovery. In Sidewalkers, a social worker finds a strange power among the mentally ill might be infectious. The Express is a battle of wills between a hypnotherapist and a dangerous patient. In The Clawed Bathtub, a man is drowned (but “saving” him might mean something unexpected to his rescuer.) Expect two poems about my mother’s death that will claw your guts out. The novella, The Dangerous Kind, is a Stephen Kingesque journey: two orphaned brothers hunt deer in the woods outside Poeticule Bay, Maine, but only one will return. The Poeticule Bay stories continue with Asia Unbound, in which a tormented Hollywood starlet reunites with her high school sweetheart. In Parting Shots, a morning DJ argues with God, unprepared for what happens if he wins. In Corrective Measures, a monster shows a curious mercy when he attempts to act as if he’s human. In Over & Out, a single dad tries to cope with his divorce and, in The Sum of Me, a couple finds a way to deal with credit card debt and dignity’s loss. In Vengeance is #1, a troubled girl is determined to get therapy — or vengeance — on a reluctant therapist. In Higher Power, a minister interprets a faulty light as a sign he must change his life, but is it already too late? I’ll Tell You What They Won’t is a nasty strategic plan, passed from father to son, for a lonely freedom. A boy finds forgiveness for his father at the bottom of the ocean in The Deep Reach. In The Scarecrow’s Stand, a killer rediscovers the truth about himself when he loses his human mask. In New Therapeutic Approaches, the Dad from Over & Out reclaims his power and gets well in a confrontation between odd new allies and a trio of car thieves. A crush is headed for a crash in Another Narrow Escape when a suicidal teacher wakes to find a former student in her living room. The Migraine Train is a sneak peek at an upcoming book about a young actor with one bad mom and multiple bad dads.
Expect strangeness, paranormal activity, crimes and revenge in a context much like the real skewed world: Everything appears normal until you look closer.
Download it now. The reading part is fairly crucial. What I’m saying is, it’s a good read, but you won’t enjoy licking it or trying to comb your hair with it. It’s creepy suspense and crime with paranormal twists. Parts of this collection have appeared in two previous ebooks. This volume adds many new stories, commentary, sneak peeks. It’s revamped and revved up. Try it and, if you love it, please leave a happy review. Cheers!
Don’t have a kindle? No problem. Read this on any device with a free reading app.
ChazzWrites.com wins among the top self-publishing blogs of 2012!
Very happy about becoming a finalist. Great company on this list! I’m hoping this translates to more sales of the books of the blog:
and
The weirdness happened again (+ The 7 Words or Less Contest Announcement)
Get all the details and enter the 7 Words or Less Contest here at ChazzWrites.com.
Amazon sent me a promotional email about my book, Bigger Than Jesus. If everybody else who loves suspense and thrillers gets this and buys one…well, yay!
Meanwhile, did you know you could get your name in my next thriller, Hollywood Jesus? It could happen if you have a funny slogan. Have fun with it.
Crack the Indie Author Code hits #1. Did you get yours yet?
Crack the Indie Author Code is #1 on Amazon: FREEEEEEEEE until Nov. 30, 2012.Click the image to go pick it up. If you love it, please review it. Enjoy! ~ Chazz