All That Chazz: Your Brain Tickle Destination
Apocalyptic Epics and Killer Crime Thrillers by Robert Chazz Chute
I hit a spot in my current manuscript, This Plague of Days, where I’d left myself a note to come up with a Quebec town for a minor character to hail from. I did a quick search and an ad for one of my own books, Corrective Measures, popped up for Kobo. This was unexpected and fun:
Here’s the 411: I’m reading a funny short story from one of my books on Vine.
I’m skipping an All That Chazz podcast this week for something new and different. One of my favorite things is the Vine app. One of my favorite short stories from Self-help for Stoners is “Another Day at the Office.” Over the next few days, I’m going to post the excerpt on Vine, six seconds at a time. A little crazy, but fun.
No one has ever read on Vine before, so I get to make my own rules. I’ll do a little at a time so I won’t flood anyone’s feed. Each post will have the entry number in sequence and the tag #SHFS.
The person who guesses closest to the number of vines I have to post to get to the end of the story will get a paperback copy of my crime novel Bigger Than Jesus. (Hint: “Another Day at the Office” is around four pages long in trade paperback size.) Good luck!
Comedian Steven Wright (among a metric ton of Japanese schoolgirls) have written whole novels on Twitter, so an author reading a short story six seconds at a time isn’t that outlandish. I don’t have any stop motion skills, but I still wanted to try something different with Vine. This is it! Enjoy!
You can buy Self-help for Stoners and all my other books here.
If you aren’t on Vine yet and you have an iPod, iPhone or iPad, click here to join the party. It’s free. Sign up. Then look me up (Robert Chazz Chute) and subscribe. Cheers!
Also, in case you didn’t know, I also wrote the first book about the Vine app. Grab it for just 99 cents by clicking the cover image. Please and thank you!
(If you’re really jonesing for a new podcast, you can always slip over to my Cool People Podcast and listen to the interviews there.) Have fun, everybody!
Find Part 1 of this post, Amazon Throttled, on ChazzWrites.com.
Skip to Part 3: Me, Full Throttle for another answer for finding readers.
What else can you do to find readers for your books and give them the best chance in the Marketplace of Awesomeness? And what sucks? Here’s my take:
1. Are blog tours really doing it for you? Are blog readers converting to book readers? They should…but I don’t think they do nearly as much as we hope. If they did, I’d have certainly sold more books by now. Blog tours can work, but it takes a lot of work to provide unique content to each blog. Do that if you’re going to tour and hit the largest blogs first. (Also, once it’s posted to one blog, don’t repost it on your blog. Bad SEO.)
2. We complain readers focus too much on Free and reap the benefits without commitment. Oddly, we’re hoping to win over the world without paying a dime. We don’t have advertising budgets. It’s time to get real and set a budget and pay for help selling your books. Yes, we all want it to happen organically without extra work or money. We all just want to write. That’s not the way to bet. Grow up, stop wishing and spend money to make money.
3. Don’t do another author interview on yet another small blog unless you’re going to make it different and/or funny. Go for funny because those interviews all sound the same and yes, I know, we all drink coffee. I win for most caffeinated. What else you got? I’d rather hear about your choice of lingerie than endure another answer to the question: “How did you start writing and where do you get your ideas?”
4. Don’t do another blog post about how “content is king.” It’s either self-evident or it doesn’t really mean anything. I need more meat than that to click the buy button on your next marketing book.
5. Don’t ask me to read another interview with one of your characters. I might be interested in that, but only after I’ve already read your book, not before. I’d love to know what happens to the main character in Fight Club after the book hits “The End”. However, before I knew what that book was, he’s just be another guy struggling with macho bullshit issues and a sleep disorder.
6. Will you please just take my advice and get Kit Foster to help you with your book cover? Get a graphic designer to help you. Do not do this yourself. Don’t even do it yourself if you’re a graphic designer. Please! Sweet baby Jesus, I’m begging you! Help me help Kit help you! Great book covers do not suck. Bad book covers hurt you. We all judge books by their covers.
7. Revamp your website. Get a custom banner. (Kit does those, too. Look at the top of this page.) Also: White field, black type, no exceptions. Your pretty pastels and all those flowery serifs are repelling me from your site and making me squint so, perhaps unfairly, your book doesn’t get a shot.
8. Be bolder with your next book. Come up with a new angle. There are no truly original stories, but you have to find something fresh to sell us. Have you read a single description of a romance book that doesn’t sound like hundreds of other romance books? Do something different and experimental. Whatever you do: Stand up and stand out! Start thinking audiobooks, for instance. (But it’s still way too early to bother with setting up an app for your book. People aren’t using the medium that way in any numbers.)
9. Work harder with your editorial team. Expand your beta reader bunch. Make it cleaner. Don’t wait for perfection, but excellence will do nicely.
10. We write to be read. Shyness is not helping you. Do something to promote your books every day. Do not whine that this is necessary. If you aren’t going to promote, you may as well write for your desk drawer. That’s okay, if that’s what you want. (I sincerely doubt that’s what you want.) And stop tweeting book links without imagination.
11. Use video more. We are visual creatures, so use YouTube more on your website or try Vine. If they’re quick, video blogs are interesting. (WordPress allows you to do audio blogs pretty easily, too.) Reach people in new ways. Buy Six Seconds, The Unauthorized Guide to How to Build Your Business with the Vine App by Robert Chazz Chute. (I told you it didn’t pay to be shy.) The Vine app is an example of a new way to reach new readers. It’s video Twitter and the time to jump in early is slipping away. Join now.
Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign came up with an excellent demotivational poster based on the beginning of Bigger Than Jesus.
Jesus Diaz, my loveable, luckless hit man, would definitely approve! (I do, too!)
Finally, a fun way to drive traffic; promote your business, your website, blog or podcast; enliven your Twitter stream with quick and easy video. Click the cover to find out more.
IDENTIFYING THE PROBLEM…I’ve been stymied. I hate that. I’ve been working on the new novel in the Hit Man Series, Hollywood Jesus. Several chapters went well, but there was something missing and I just figured out why it wasn’t firing on all cylinders. I was holding back. I wasn’t being reckless enough.
What makes Bigger Than Jesus such a great read is that it has the pace of a long chase scene with lots of twists and cliffhangers and no chance for anyone to catch their breath. I wrote Bigger Than in a certain way that was braver and less calculated than what I have been doing. As I wrote Bigger Than, each night I finished a chapter I often had no real idea how I’d get Jesus Diaz out of the corner I’d written him into. The next morning the answer came. (Sometimes it didn’t and I had to think longer, but when you ask the right question, the answer always appears.)
The first stab at Hollywood Jesus wasn’t all bad. The chase scene with the cops and the scary way Jesus gets out of it? I’m keeping that. The meeting in the office? I’ll lose that. It’s too static and talky. I’m also keeping the big ending I’d planned, but the plots and plans and surprises go deeper and I’ll introduce new motivations.
The first two books started out with a murder. This time? It’s different, but no less scary and creepy. The key to making the character work for the reader is that he was terribly abused as a child and my funny hit man identifies with innocent victims. Jesus has a code and he always tries to make sure no civilians are hurt on his missions. Now that I see how this plot is going to unfold, it’s a much bigger, more sweeping story that has roots all the way back to the heart of book one of the series.
Jesus Diaz was in deep trouble with my first attempt at this book. I understand now how I can shove him down so deep, Hollywood Jesus will have a deeper emotional impact as well as more action with a pace that matches Bigger Than Jesus. Maybe even faster.
New York; Opens with fast, perilous action; it’s a quest for money, love and escape with the alluring Lily Vasquez.
Theme: A man stands up to the Machine. He is not a cog.
Chicago; Opens with increasing tension, battling drug addiction while fighting two opposing forces over an arms deal and trying to save the body and soul of the sexy glamazon, Willow Clemont.
Theme: To become who you are meant to be, you have to conquer your failings.
L.A.; Opens with a rescue; opens old wounds in a war with multiple, powerful enemies, a slavery ring that hits Jesus very close to his heart and two beautiful women. Expect betrayal. Even so, you’ll be surprised from whence it strikes.
Theme: Sacrifice for the greater good…sucks.
I got my groove back, Stella! (That’s a dated book and movie reference, but it made somebody reading this smile briefly.)
~ Get all the books by Robert Chazz Chute here.
I’ve had trouble breaking through a plot problem with Hollywood Jesus, the third instalment of The Hit Man Series. This afternoon it came to me how to amp up the rush and now I’m plunging forward through the book again, writing madly.
One of the things I enjoy about my main character, Jesus Diaz, is that he’s such a smart ass. That leads to more jokes and fun dialogue amid the heart-wrenching carnage, sex and violence. Here’s a bit I wrote tonight:
“Who’s the client?” you asked your boss, friend and amateur Ving Rhames lookalike, Chillie Gillie.
Chill wouldn’t say. Three worry deep lines appeared on his forehead, so you 
knew the client was a friend.
“What’d Fitzwald do?”
“Maybe nothing. Right now, all we know for sure is he’s an asshole. This a search for evidence sort of deal. This is not a search and destroy mission, you dig?”
“I dig, Shaft.”
Chill pulls a puss. “Shut your mouth.”
“What? Just haven’t heard anybody say ‘dig’ in a long time.”
“I’m bringing it back. I’m also thinking of bringing back the word ‘groovy’.”
“Groovy. I can dig it.”
“There you go.”
~ Bigger Than Jesus by Robert Chazz Chute is #1. Higher Than Jesus is #2. Look for the next book in the series at the end of April.