Deader Than Jesus: The Hit Man Movie

I’m working on the last draft of the next instalment of the Hit Man Series, Deader Than Jesus. My luckless Cuban assassin has big plans for tonight. Here’s an excerpt from today’s revisions… 

Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, the character of the clever hit man will be played by Jesus Diaz. The actor’s motivation will be supplied by his lost childhood and tortured fool’s soul.

Take a deep breath. Step closer to the mirror. Look into your eyes and try to find the man behind the scary luchadore mask. What happens tonight shouldn’t be narrated by Morgan Freeman. Tough guy voice over work for tonight’s adventure should be supplied by the cowboy in the Big Lebowksi, Sam Elliot. Or maybe Dennis Leary could put a funny, edgy spin on what’s about to unfold, like he does for those truck commercials.

Somebody really badass should play you. If John Leguizamo isn’t available, can Jason Statham play a short Cuban?

I think the book will be out in a month (or less.) Stay tuned, and be sure to read Bigger Than Jesus and Higher Than Jesus. You can jump in anywhere, but you’ll get the full flavor if you start at the beginning. Enjoy.

The Writing Life: The Numbers Diary

As I poke through two piles of receipts, I’m thinking about the last year. Tax time is a diary of numbers. It’s mostly depressing, first because accounting is a job I don’t want to do. Second, because it’s a job that would have been easier if I’d kept track of everything all along instead of saving it all up for an Easter weekend blitz.

It’s also sad to see the things that didn’t work. Google Adwords and Facebook  Ads (for business #2) was a sinkhole with negative returns. “Negative returns” means it sucked. When the outgo outpaces the income, it starts to make you reevaluate your vocational choices. If I hadn’t been so afraid of public speaking, I could have been a lawyer, I suppose. I cured myself of the public speaking phobia (and probably dodged a bullet by not going into law.) Probably saved myself an ulcer and several clients from life sentences by staying the hell out of that profession.

One of the things I did that showed up in the receipts was donate to Authors Supporting Our Troops. It’s a good cause no matter what political stripe you wear. As for the many little bills that add up to a tower, I’m doing like we all do. I’m a shark. I move forward. I’m making headway and I’m hopeful.

Two of the beta readers for This Plague of Days Season 3 have returned their notes already and the feedback is very positive. Stunningly so. It’s exactly what I hoped it would be. I can’t wait to get through recording my receipts so I can get back to the real business I’m in.

Writing is bigger than the bills. It always will be.

The One That Gets Sexy

Jesus Diaz hits it in Chicago!

In today’s podcast, a short rant about how the hive mind is out to control our thoughts (and how to escape your slavery to the mortal bonds of flesh). Also, the long-awaited erotic adventure kicks in right after a couple of fights to the death as I read the next chapter of my crime novel Higher Than Jesus. The chapter is  Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. It’s rad and you’ll love it even more if you catch the backstory and set up from the first in the series, Bigger Than Jesus.

Photo on 12-12-05 at 4.33 PMYou can read the rant and get sneak peeks of my new horror serial This Plague of Days at ThisPlagueofDays.com. (releasing soon!) 

More Chazz:

Cool+People+Podcast+FinalI appear on the Inverse Delirium podcast in a comedy sketch and you can hear me interact with another human being on the Cool People Podcast or see us on YouTube on the Robert Chazz Chute Channel.

This podcast is sponsored by my most excellent graphic designer, Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com. The opening music bed is Mistake the Getaway #2 by Kevin MacLeod of Incompetech.com.

Love the show? Please donate to keep us growing or leave a happy review on iTunes to keep us going. Thanks! You can find all the links to all my books at AllThatChazz.com.

Thanks for listening. Spread the word.

~ Chazz

 

 

Jerks, Near-Death, Time Travel and Alternate Reality

This episode gets weird. From getting blessed by an angel to starting over, this is a monologue of strange experiences. I’m defeated by sunflower seeds, but I think I can figure out something about the universe in this journey from kissing a character from one of my books to finding peace for somebody who doesn’t deserve forgiveness. (I let him live! Isn’t that enough?)

There’s also The Big Decision: Get thin and healthy.
Formula: (Fat + protein) – (processed food, white food, non-food, bad carbs or sugar) + exercise.
How did I arrive at that decision? Sunlight and deciding I’m a thin person (all evidence to the contrary) and acting that way.

I’m continuing with the first author reading on Vine this week. It’s a funny short story from my book Self-help for Stoners. It’s about how to get away with murder and massive marijuana possession in Texas with a skunk and a smile.

Apologies: I won’t be reading the next instalment of Higher Than Jesus until the next episode of All That Chazz. (I’m not holding the book  hostage, but this episode went long and bandwidth fees are an issue. Um…I insist I’m not holding the crime novel hostage but if you want to help out with bandwidth fees, that would be great. Please click on the safe and secure yellow donate button at AllThatChazz.com or CoolPeoplePodcast.com.

To enter to win this crime novel in paperback, put your guess in the comments of this post. Closest wins.
Want to get in on the Vine contest and enter to win an autographed copy of Bigger Than Jesus? Check out the post directly below this one. 

Speaking of which, have you listened to the Cool People Podcast yet? Have a listen and if you like it, please leave a review on iTunes so more people can find us. (Same for the All That Chazz podcast, come to think of it + dang it!)

New websites: ThisPlagueofDays.com and onlysixseconds.wordpress.com. Check those out, too.

You guys can get me at expartepress AT gmail DOT com or @rchazzchute on Twitter. Say hello and share what you think of the podcast.

Podcast art: Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com.

Music for today’s podcast was Pop Goes the Weasel by Kevin MacLeod of Incompetech.com.

Thanks for listening! 

~Chazz

Author reading: The Bugman of Surfside Beach

Somebody’s going to die. Brace yourself. Jesus hasn’t drowned, but he’ll soon wish he had. He does get rescued, but there are more surprises in store in this episode of Bigger Than Jesus by Robert Chazz Chute.

Want to be a producer for the show? Your donations get mentions for your business and help support the production of the podcast. Do your Amazon shopping through AllThatChazz.com and that helps cover the bandwidth. If you’ve got no money (and who does?) you can leave a happy review on iTunes to help others find the show. Cheers!

Okay, that’s it. No more whoring and begging until the next episode! 

Manifesto: The Value of Writing and Reading

Within every book secrets are revealed, but there are deeper treasures buried beneath what you see. The book is a solid thing you can hold. The story is a  sparking, fleeting experience daring you to give chase and to catch fire.

A story is a progression through possibilities, a dense connection of ideas that ignites new electrical connections in your brain, tripping switches, releasing dopamine, letting tears slip and laughter burst. You create worlds with the author, meeting the writer’s mind amid the small words to share great visions. You are not simply decoding the language on the page. In reading, you open hidden portals to new variables: Data, information, knowledge, wisdom, lies, truth, lies that tell the truth, experience and, ultimately, choice.

Books offer novelty, chance, escape, distraction, transcendence, freedom and stimulation like no other art. Books are a uniquely cooperative, requiring a deft  weaver, yes, but also an audience willing to be gentle. Readers are dance partners. Lose yourself in the movement. Let go of counting one-two-three, one-two three. Instead, look in your dance partner’s eyes and embrace them. Enjoy the dance. Hold tight. Hold so tight you let go.

Promise: You will be transported through space, whirled in time and transformed with emotion, but you will always waking in your own bed, deposited where you began and a little regretful you aren’t in Oz anymore. It’s okay. When you come back, you aren’t you anymore. You never walk through the same door twice and remain unchanged.

For those doors you choose to open? Walk through, tread lightly and learn how to live from people who have never lived. Meet and be among characters with whom you would never dare to speak. You will witness terrible examples of how to interact in reality (…whatever that is. Imagination is a much clearer path.)  Through the heroes and heroines you meet, you will know pain and loss, sacrifice and triumph. Stories are the matrix of our desires, fears  and dreams. Books are simulations and wise guides, asking you to  draw your own conclusions.

Your mind evolved with your bare feet in the cold dirt, haunches aching, as you basked in the heat of the campfire. Amid the smell of burning meat, you listened to soaring legends about the milky pearls shining and reaching down from the black infinite. You listened to tales of the hunt and, in telling your own stories of bravery, searching and loss, reached up to touch the infinite. We tell stories to illuminate the darkness.

The careful words we pull to ourselves in the form of books are comforts in a world where, elsewhere, words are casual weapons. In the patient future, you will lie upon an overstuffed couch under a cozy blanket by your fireplace, listening to a storm’s rage and, gratefully, you will disappear into a book. Stories are journeys through mythology, revisited for the depth of our common visceral experience, touched on repeatedly to remind ourselves we are thinking, reaching, grasping animals.

The most valuable treasures slip in when you are sleeping in the reader’s trance. Meditate on theme. A book yields more than what you read. A book is a still lake on a warm summer day: Watch the rippling wind write on its surface; spot fish darting beneath in cool water; see your reflection; stretch your awareness up to the ponderous turn of clouds; lift yourself beyond, back to the infinite. Think. Reach. Grasp. 

Books are valuable because they reach into your mind and become part of who you are. Our books are ourselves. The mind does not distinguish between reality and fantasy. You know this is true of dreams, your fears and what you read. I am a writer, giving you the bones of the structure of a world. You fill in the rest, seeing my broad brushstrokes in minute detail.

Your mind is a magnificent camera that runs on black-and-white words. Your camera does not simply  record my words. You are much more important than that. Your camera co-creates in color. No two writers write the same story. A secret: No two readers draw the same word pictures from one writer. Reading is creation, too.

Books are more special than we recognize because they are no longer rare. Were novels new, they would not possess mere novelty. They would be seen as powerful. Books release staggering magic from within you, a fire once lit that must be fed.

I am a whisper in your mind. Thank you for letting me in. Amplify my words and make their thunder shake the everyday world away. Hold my book in your hands, enter the story and feel electricity’s hum. I am lightning on the horizon of your consciousness. Through this curious magic, I will meet you there. I will become you.

This is the only divinity I know. 

The Dock

Pete the Bookie lectures a tied up Jesus on the trials of Job and his place in the universe. When I wrote this chapter, I had no idea how I was going to get Jesus out of the trap. My first mission was to get my luckless Cuban hit man in deep and figure out how to get him out later. How does he get out? You’ll see.

Thanks to all those who support the podcast with donations, leave positive reviews and enjoy my books of suspense. I so appreciate all my happy and positive readers!

Buying on Amazon? Check out the Deal of the Day, Lightning Deal, Amazon blogs and all the cool links. When you buy on Amazon through AllThatChazz.com, that helps, too! Thank you!