A very short story. I like my stories like I like my women: dark and bitter.

I got a review today that put me in a bad mood. Everybody gets an opinion. That’s fine and I don’t ever reply to bad reviews. However, borderline libellous statements sap my creative energy and make me sad. I’ve reported the abuse to the platform in question, though I doubt they’ll do anything about it. That’s how these things tend to go.

I took an hour off. I lost some writing time. I watched an episode of Band of Brothers. Was there ever a better film depiction of soldiers in war that didn’t glamorize it? It was a good thing to lose an hour to. 
Anyway, I posted the story below on Facebook earlier. Then I decided to share it with all of you. If you like my crime novels, Bigger Than Jesus and Higher Than Jesus, you might go for this. It’s  from a dark work in progress in my head. Let’s have a demonstration of psycho-macho psyche and what that BS can get you. Let’s call it…

Fair play

The big man’s first slap stunned the smaller man. 

The victim’s head rocked back and blood ran freely from his split lip. Shocked, he touched his mouth. “The speaker phone was on when you called me at home before. My family heard. You frightened my wife and child. You shouldn’ta done that.”

A smile. “Scared of me?”

“Yes.”

“Should be.”

“You’re making a mistake. Leave. Leave now! Please!”

The big man stepped closer, looked him up and down, and chuckled.

The smaller man took the cell from his shirt pocket and hit “End”.

The big man’s second slap didn’t connect. Instead, the intended victim cupped his attacker’s chin in one hand and grabbed him by the hair at the back of his head. The big man laughed, even as the smaller man twisted his neck and, almost gently, guided him to the ground.

Then the big man’s intended victim brought all his weight down, hard, slamming the point of his knee into the side of the attacker’s face, just in front of the ear.

The big man’s laughter broke cold over stunning realization. The jaw didn’t break. Instead, it wrenched to the side in a loose, snapping slide.

A second’s silence passed. Nerves lit fire. Brain gears whirled panic. The screeching and flailing began.

The smaller man yelled to be heard above the big man’s pain. “You came to humiliate me! You came here to beat me up. But I’m not here for a fight!”

He took the big man’s eyes first. After that, it was easy. 

When the man stood, he wasn’t the victim anymore. His cell lay on the floor, ringing and ringing. That would be 911 calling back to make sure he was okay. He was fine. He felt taller.

The My Bloody Throat Edition

 

Click here to go to some of my books. Or just listen to the podcast and get uncomfortably entertained.

Due to scary and ugly circumstances that shall be revealed, Chazz goes long, raw, uncut, unedited and au natural in this podcast that goes off the rails and maybe off a cliff. No music. Just me speaking directly into your head. Move over brain. This trip will get uncomfortable. 

In this episode of the Self-help for Stoners podcast, I talk about: going to see director Kevin Smith, my secret superhero origins and we confront the existential abyss together and giggle nervously. I read three excerpts from the book: two short self-help pieces and one long story called Context in which we…uh…well, it’s surprise.

You can listen here, of course, or on iTunes or on Stitcher. To enter a draw for a $100 cash card, download the Stitcher app from your app store and enter the promo code SELFHELPSTONERS. (Yeah, I know. They couldn’t give me a longer promo code without switching to Mandarin.) Stitcher’s great for streaming, though, because it takes up no room on your phone and you don’t have to go to the bother of hooking up to your computer with a cable like you’re Amish or something.

Episode 6: Xmas Erotica & a Goiter

Finally, you get a fun, erotic romp…and the apology you deserve for the previous episode. I think I’m getting better, and by that I mean I’m almost over that terrible cold and slightly better on the mic. I promise to get more microphone practice over the holidays by singing in front of the mirror with a hairbrush.

In this episode:

Bad Snow Days

Christmas Epiphanies

Buying Jesus Black & Decker

Your God is Mean & Rhetorical

Your XXXmas Funny Erotic Story

(skip straight to around 11 minutes you perve!)

Xmas with One X

and Big Small Talk Skills.

BONUS:

The late breaking news is, not only is Asia Unbound available at Smashwords.com all of a sudden,

Self-help for Stoners is up on Amazon today, too!

That’s right! It’s the book you can read and then roll! Can’t do that with an iPad!

Please click here to hear the latest episode:

Xmas and a Goiter