Tag: crime fiction

Posted on

The Unknown Man Edition

In this edition of the All That Chazz podcast: Oscar fallout; scary health scares; great big kid love; Higher Than Jesus wins a cover design award; Six Seconds is released and I do a challenging (some dicks would say embarrassing) reading of chapter 7, “The Unknown Man”, from my crime novel. When I wrote the character of Chillie Gillie, I gave him a lisp. It reads well, but I had no idea how hard he would be to read aloud. You can be entertained by the story or laugh at my unintentional humour as i struggle through Chill’s dialogue.

This podcast is sponsored by Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com. In case you didn’t love Kit Foster’s work enough already, you should know that it was his work on Higher Than Jesus that earned Venture Galleries’ Cover Design Award for Hardboiled Mystery! Thanks again, Kit! Check out Kit’s portfolio. He does web banners, too, so everyone can benefit from his services.

The big announcement this week is that my quick guide to using Vine is launched! The book is Six Seconds, The Unauthorized Guide to How to Build Your Business with the Vine App. Vine is the Apple app to make short videos. I write about how to make stories, art and humour to promote your services or products in a fun way without feeling spammy. It will be available on more platforms than Apple soon, I’m sure. Think of Vine as video Twitter and get in early to make the most of it. Vines are so much fun to make, it’s an end in itself. However, I think the app has great potential for business. Finally, a fun way to promote your work and enliven your Twitter stream with easy to make video! Six Seconds is 18,000 words, brief and funny for just $1.99. Get it here. If you love it, please review it. Thank you.

Enjoy all the awkward lisping and thanks for listening!

~ Chazz

Posted on

The Mean Streets Edition

It’s podcast #70! However, confidence shaken, join me as I go down the rabbit hole of angst and get past the ennui. Top secrets are teased; new podcasts, books and podcasts are launched; I talk about the glory of Cormac McCarthy’s No Country for Old Men; writing contests, fear and gratitude. We round out the podcast with some What’s Cool News about a new app called Vine and I read one of my favorite chapters from Higher Than Jesus, my crime novel with a funny, luckless hit man.

Insider Information

Very astute readers might notice that, except for the final two chapters, every chapter title is a movie, usually something noirish.

In case you missed it, here’s the synopsis to bring you up to speed on Higher Than Jesus:

Yes, it’s time for a reading by the author and Chapter 6 is called “Mean Streets”. So far in the story, Jesus has killed a man on Christmas Day in Chicago. The promised payment for the murderous deed doesn’t come through so he heads over to the God Eats Diner to see the client face-to-face and to get paid. Then our favorite funny hit man falls in love with the blonde glamazon Willow Clemont, the client’s daughter. Just as he’s about to ask her out, two guys with guns burst in demanding to speak to Willow’s father, Samuel Clemont, the wheelchair-bound former Marine. Jesus defends Willow, along with Chill Gillie, a very skilled bodyguard. We haven’t seen the last of the two thugs from the local gang, but in the meantime, Jesus walks Willow home and Cupid’s got them both in the cross hairs. 

In “Mean Streets”, we finally find out a little more about Jesus Diaz’s childhood after he escaped that basement of terrors and enslavement in Miami. (For more on Jesus’s origins, get Bigger Than Jesus by Robert Chazz Chute.) Today’s instalment details how Jesus and Denny De Molina survived in Havana on the Hudson…and how Jesus got a taste for killing to survive.

Our sponsor is Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com. Consult him for all your graphics needs. Special thanks to Dave Jackson of The School of Podcasting for his help this week. If you need a new website or a new podcast, I highly recommend you get Dave’s help.

Music for today’s podcast was “Truth of the Legend” by Kevin McLeod of Incompetech.com. Awesome royalty-free music there. Check it out.

Thanks for listening. If you like the show, please review it on iTunes, buy my books. If you care to donate, I sure won’t stop you. Thanks for listening, in any case.

Cheers!

~ Chazz

Posted on

Protect your home from thieves, ninjas and quirky assassins

I’m working on the next book in the Hit Man Series, Hollywood Jesus. Here’s a little excerpt from the first chapter. Read between the lines, and you’ll find some tips on protecting your home from burglars…or quirky assassins with mommy issues.

On TV, the hero slips a credit card into the edge of a door to pick a lock. That destroys the credit card — who needs that hassle unless it isn’t your credit card? —  and isn’t nearly as easy as it looks except with cheap motel doors. The next option is to pull out a lock pick set and get to work, hoping a nosy neighbor doesn’t spot you while you struggle to overcome the lock. It’s not just picky work. It’s nit-picky and plenty of locks are different so you have to take the time to learn the lock. More hassle. If Dexter episodes went down in real time, it would be a much longer and more boring show.

You’ve used the hockey stick and bicycle chain trick to rip off doorknobs, but since you’d look suspicious walking around with that sort of bulge in your sports jacket, you’ve left that tool at home. That’s your only complaint about West Coast weather: The sun always shines in Hollywood, so no stylish trench coat for you.

If you were a brainless thug, the quickest way into Fitzwald’s house is simply to kick in the door, making sure your heel connects full force by the lock. That’s almost always effective. Even paranoid homeowners may spend $1,000 on a security door, but they spend the least they can on the installer so the frame is $25 worth of wood and the screws that hold it in place are usually way too short. One or two kicks gets you in quicker than fumbling with a key. That makes plenty of noise, though, and that choice could end badly with you tying up the nosy old man from next-door with electrical cord. One heart attack that’s another murder charge against you. Who needs it?

The key to a happy life is less stress, so you do the brainy thug thing: You look. The key isn’t under the mat or on top of the doorframe. It’s under the second flower pot you check. The homeowner would have had half a chance of keeping you out if he’d thought to at least stick the spare key in the pot’s dirt. That would have stymied you easily, but since no one wants dirty fingernails, you’re standing in Fitzwald’s house, easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. 

As you step into the living room, a motion detector shines red and a shrill alarm goes off, jangling your nerves. However, alarms are even easier to deal with than people who leave their house keys in predictable places…

~ Robert Chazz Chute is a crime novelist and suspense writer who podcasts weekly, but never weakly (see below for the latest podcast.) To begin The Hit Man Series, Bigger Than Jesus is for sale at the low introductory price of just .99 cents because the first taste is cheap. Once you’re hooked as a thriller fan, the second in the series is Higher Than Jesus. Enjoy. 

Posted on

The Future

Jesus is hiding in a Jersey motel, and no one wants that. Recovery, murderous plotting and a little discussion about free will and the nature of the universe. Things also get deep with a little extra surprise at the end of this podcast.

Buy Bigger Than Jesus, the first book in The Hit Man Series through the Amazon link to the left. Or donate. Or buy all the books by Robert Chazz Chute on Amazon. That’s right. Go crazy.

Thanks for listening, reading and strangling mimes at every opportunity. (I have a mime issue.) 

Posted on

The Skim

In this episode of the suspense novel, Bigger Than Jesus finds Jesus visiting the lovely Lily Vasquez’s apartment. They aren’t alone, and things are about to get bloody.

Robert Chazz Chute is the author of Bigger Than Jesus, Self-help for Stoners, The Dangerous Kind & Other Stories and Sex, Death & Mind Control.

See the links for all the books.

Writing a book? You need an excellent graphic designer at reasonable prices. Go to KitFosterDesign.com. Kit Foster is the person you need to make a cover that sells.

Posted on

Elmore Leonard. You’ve inspired me.

Please click it to grab the gripping, funny crime thriller by Robert Chazz Chute.

I’ve read a lot of Elmore Leonard and I think that shows in Bigger Than Jesus. He just influenced me a bit more. You see, the thing about Netflix is that if you run across a TV show that appeals to you, whipping through a bunch of episodes at once is doable. Keep an eye on the clock because it sure can suck up a weekend. This weekend the kids were away so I watched Justified.

I don’t usually pay attention to who wrote this or that. As much as I love Kurt Vonnegut, one of his books I can’t seem to read. The same thing has happened with all the authors I love: Palahniuk and Goldman, too. There’s always at least one that isn’t for me (which is still an incredibly impressive batting average.) However, the fact that Elmore Leonard was listed as Executive Producer of Justified did get my attention so I sat down and stuck it in my head.

The EP title is sloshed around plenty in movies and TV. Often it means nothing beyond a credit and more (or less) money. However, I saw Leonard’s influence in some of the funny dialogue, at least. The winding story arc held me, as well. I like to goof around in alternate dimensions and figure out where the writers are going with the plot (and what I’d do differently.)

Justified isn’t perfect. No one in law enforcement loses his mind and turns his back on thugs as much as Timothy Olyphant does in this show. However, it’s the funny sensibility of criminals relating to other criminals (and to cops) that I groove on. It’s not laugh-a-minute, witty dialogue, but there’s certainly enough there to make it watchable, enjoyable and good for a bunch of chuckles. 

That inspires me. As I read the reviews and hear the happy feedback from readers of my books, I think there will be a few changes to the next book in The Hit Man Series. I predict a little less swearing, a little more sex, even more clever twists that will read like how-to for finding people who don’t want to be found. And more jokes. The people who love Bigger Than Jesus all mention the humour. Higher Than Jesus will raise that bar higher. Higher than Jesus.