I’m holding a contest that could get your name in my new thriller.
The follow-up to my crime novel, Bigger Than Jesus is called Higher Than Jesus and it’s coming this fall.Â
Here’s the challenge: My hit man passes a homeless person in the street and gives him some money. The homeless person wears a black hoodie. I want something catchy and memorable on that hoodie. I thought about making an inside joke and making it a Self-help for Stoners emblem (my first book). I considered using a meme that’s already out there but kind of hipster, like the inside joke from Portal: There is no cake.
But no, I’m calling on the readership! What’s the short, punchy, pithy, memorable phrase that should adorn that black hoodie on the homeless guy on a cold winter’s night in Chicago? It could be funny. It could be pointed and political. Let’s hear it!
The winner gets lots of that cake! There are five prizes. Go to this link for all the details and post your entries in the comments at that link (so all the entries are in one thread.) Thanks and have fun!
Enjoy some crime fiction. Chapter 2 of Bigger Than Jesus: The Key by Robert Chazz Chute.Â
Last week, we heard Come to Jesus, Chapter 1 of Bigger Than Jesus. Hit man Jesus Diaz found himself on a high ledge trying to kill Panama Bob on Jimmy Lima’s orders. Then Bob offered a key to a storage locker that holds a fortune. Then things get complicated.
THIS IS A REPOST FROM MY WRITING BLOG, CHAZZWRITES.COM. IT PROVED SO POPULAR I THOUGHT I’D REPOST IT HERE FOR PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW THIS BLOG ALONE. ~ CHAZZ
A forum post out of the cyber-ether really irritated me,
and not just because the person who posted was biased against self-publishing.
She was horribly misinformed and self-centered.
Her complaint is about “all these self-published authors begging for likes on their Facebook pages” and that apparently angered her by…okay, I’m not sure how that could bother her so much. Cluttering up her world, I guess. The strength  of venom I detected is usually found in a rattler’s fangs. Anyway, let’s flesh out the ugly misconception in her deluded subtext:
1. It’s not just indie authors. All authors with a Facebook page ask for “likes”. The more important likes are the like and buy buttons of our Amazon pages, but we all want to be liked. Most traditionally published authors understand that their publisher’s publicists are already stretched too thin, are often less effective than publicity that comes directly from authors and what resources that are channelled toward their books tend to be minuscule and fleeting.
2. It’s not begging. It’s asking politely and you often get something in exchange, like free entertainment, free education (like this post) and books that are much cheaper than what you’d pay a traditional publisher. All my books are currently priced at $2.99. That’s couch change — an impulse buy — for professionally published books. For less than the cost of one Starbucks coffee you get hours of entertainment I am happy to provide. I am an artist, not a beggar.
I’m not asking for loose change in exchange for nothing. I’m offering you a chance at relaxed Sunday afternoon with a book when it’s too hot to go outside; a cozy read on a winter’s night when you can’t sleep; suspense that won’t let you go to sleep; Â a euphoric discovery that will delight you and might even change you. Yeah, you betcha that’s a bargain. If you refuse, no hard feelings.
3. Providing you with information or the opportunity to help out is not spam. It’s a question you don’t even have to answer. Get over yourself or turn off your Internet connection and take a break. I’m sorry the world isn’t catering to you. It’s not catering to me, either, but I suspect I hate fewer people than you do. I’d define spam as bombarding people with ads that provide no value, are out to scam you and a steady stream of blaring that gives you no opportunity to opt out. (i.e. You don’t get to complain if you decide for yourself you’re going to read it.)
4. Ignoring  the request takes nothing from you. Simply ignoring a request takes the bare minimum of tolerance. This person must be a nightmare in real life. How would she handle a real problem?
6. Ads are only irritating if you aren’t interested. On the computer, I click away. If assailed by the TV, I ignore it, fast forward, check my email or get up from the couch and get a glass of water. Indie authors (well, everyone) deserve more compassion than the complainer was willing to bestow. Sadly because the complainer might even love our work if she gave it a chance.
7. Despite my frustrated tone here, I know authors are not entitled to sales any more than Wal-mart or Toyota “deserves” your sales. We don’t even “deserve” your attention. That’s the myth of the entitled author I hear so much about. I honestly haven’t met many authors who suffer that delusion.
We get it. It’s a book. To most, “just” a book. We write them and lots of people don’t care. A lot of people don’t even read! Still, we stand behind our work and hope to find our audience. We hope our audience finds us. If I’m speaking to a crowd, I’m not speaking to everyone and I know it. Please be patient and polite while I direct my audience toward my books. I promise I won’t take long doing it and I’ll be as entertaining and quick as I can as I ask these things. You can always opt out.
Whether you’re indie or traditionally published, the promotion for your book really is up to you, your tribe, your followers and your readers. Publishers do very little for most authors. Stephen King gets a big promotional budget. That’s right. The authors who need the promotion least get the biggest boost because it’s a simple business decision: the publisher banks on the biggest title. Big publisher or small, these are the evaluations we all have to make.
I make that same evaluation every week. I have two very new titles just released in June. One is a short story
Get Bigger Than Jesus
collection bundled with a novella, The Dangerous Kind & Other Stories. The other is my crime thriller, Bigger Than Jesus, the first in a series. Which do I spend my limited resources promoting? Obviously, the crime thriller.
No short story collection will sell as well as a thriller. In all likelihood, my short story collections’ sales (there are three collections in all) will come after readers decide they like my flavor by discovering the novel. Some of the stories include characters and references that cross books, so there’s cross-pollination going on, too.  The short story collections are great, but they’re harder to sell (though they will be a valuable long term sales avenue.)
Yes, we have to interact and connect and make connections and help others to be heard.
Endure a little promotion amid all that for art’s sake.
Everybody’s trying to make a living
and civility is the grease to the gears of civilization.
Bigger Than Jesus by Robert Chazz Chute (my funny crime thriller) is earning five-star reviews. This summer, I’m reading it a chapter at a time. If you want the whole thing at once, that’s easy! It’s yours for $2.99 here. Couch change!
5 STAR REVIEWS!Â
“Worthy of Elmore Leonard with a backstory that is shades of Thomas Harris!”
 “Punchy dialogue and plot twists that keep you moving from one calamity to the next with no time to catch your breath.”
“What a fun ride of a crime thriller!”
“Hot girl on the cover didn’t hurt.”
Bigger Than Jesus is the story of a hit man who wants to get out of The Machine, Â New York’s Spanish mob. To escape with his girlfriend (the lovely Lily Vasquez) Jesus Diaz will have to steal a fortune in mafia money and cheat death at every step. He might even have to kill his best friend to get away, if his best friend doesn’t kill him first. It’s like a Coen brothers’ movie where the wide and easy road out of town is fraught with danger. Buy it now for only $2.99!
While you’re there, pick up Robert Chazz Chute’s latest collection of Poeticule Bay stories in The Dangerous Kind and Other Stories. Also, just $2.99.
Self-help for Stoners: More suspense mixed with life lessons. This is the War of Art on weed! Get it now for just $2.99!
Bigger Than Jesus, my new crime novel, is free for you (June 28 only!). Download your free ebook on June 28 from Amazon here. Plus hear  a reading from The Dangerous Kind & Other Stories by Robert Chazz Chute.Â
I hope you enjoy my books. If you like them, please click the LIKE button on Amazon and click “Agree with these tags” (at the bottom of the book’s sales page.) Most important, if you love it, please review it. Reviews support the podcast and my tiny life. Thanks much!
The Dangerous Kind & Other Stories is now out in the world.
I wrote my novella, The Dangerous Kind, about small-town claustrophobia in Maine and the deadly contempt that familiarity can breed. Two brothers have just lost their father to an accident at the mill. They both want the insurance settlement and a hunting trip might yield an opportunity to solve problems with murder. Did I mention there are surprises? I love surprises, don’t you?
I’ve bundled The Dangerous Kind with the following SIX powerful short stories,
all precursors to the coming Poeticule Bay Series of novels:
I’ve dealt out deadly consequences to collections agents in the popular award winner End of the Line (from Sex, Death & Mind Control). This time I deal with real world problems in different ways. In The Sum of Me, an aspiring writer gets financial help that hurts. I gave a reading of this short story live at a writing convention (to thunderous applause) and it also won an honourable mention from Writer’s Digest. Everyone identified with the palpable writerly desperation.
What do you do when your psychotherapist dumps you? Read Vengeance is #1, about Georgie, a mean girl with bad timing. She’ll give you some tips on how to handle it. Please note: All her ideas are very bad. It reads like steroidal YA. Watch out for the sharp and dangerous mood swings.
You’re a serial killer. Your therapist is helping you to control your impulses. She only wants you to kill the lost causes of she chooses from her patient pool. Then someone comes along who you want to slay so badly you can almost taste the blood. What then? Then it’s mind game time! Take Corrective Measures.
In Over & Out, a wife abandons her husband and children. He tries to put up a brave front while quietly dying inside (maybe literally.) Then he discovers the power of hypochondria and how self-help is sometimes the opposite of real help. Psychological horror and revelations in a little neurotic cup!
In Asia Unbound, a starlet returns to Poeticule Bay for her uncle’s funeral. She meets up with her high school boyfriend, now Marcus in the Morning, your friendly and miserable radio DJ. Drinks are thrown back, mice are killed and awful secrets from the past are revealed. Your heart might bleed for them both, but you should really only feel sorry for one of them. Life’s a mystery you can solve and still get it all wrong.
In this strange follow-up to Asia Unbound, Marcus in the Morning is at work the next day using the power of his microphone to argue with God. In Parting Shots, Marcus is about to find out that there are some arguments you definitely do not want to win! A conundrum is drummed. Fatal deals are made. Hold on to your faith. You’re going to need it.
~ Robert Chazz Chute has won seven writing awards of vastly varying importance and was nominated for a Maggy Award for his columns. He is the author of the newly released (very funny and super twisty) crime novel Bigger Than Jesus. You might know him from Self-help for Stoners, meeting Kevin Smith and such industrial films as Hitting People in the Face with Ball Peen Hammers is Wrong (except in Texas) and Writing About Yourself in the Third Person for an Author Profile Sure Sounds Douchey, Doesn’t It? Please buy his books. Otherwise he cries and it’s hopelessly pathetic. Hopeless!