Armor of God

I go on the attack against Maury “He ain’t yo baby daddy” Povich and Dr. “Down home wise ass remarks” Phil. Also, a quick update on projects, including This Plague of Days and Cool People Podcast.

Higher than Jesus Final NEW copy 2Then we delve into the world of my Cuban assassin and all he’s dealing with in the chapter Armor of God, my latest reading from my crime novel, Higher Than Jesus. Jesus Diaz is caught in the middle of an arms deal and in the crosshairs of Aryans and Chicago street gang. While tragic childhood memories begin to surface, Jesus really just wants to get Willow Clemont in the sack. And who can blame him? She’s a long, blonde glamazon.

This podcast is sponsored by the inimitable and incomparable graphic artist, Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com

See the links for all my books at AllThatChazz.com.

Trying to lose weight? Check out my new blog, DecisionToChange.com

Lots going on, but I’ll do a quick follow-up podcast in the next few days with another reading from Higher Than Jesus (and we’re coming up on the lethally sexy chapter)!

Please be sure to subscribe to the podcast. If you love it, please leave a review, donate to the podcast to help with bandwidth, buy a book, pet a puppy and follow me on Twitter @rchazzchute. Something in there would be good, so do them all. Cheers!

Thanks for listening!

~ Chazz

Three Dreams

Be a genius for two minutes a day, deal with life and death, face the existential abyss and hear a fresh reading of the chapter “Our Man in Havana” from the fun crime novel, Higher Than Jesus by Robert Chazz Chute.

At 4:57 Dreams bleed into real life in a terrifying way and I’m scared.

11:20 Dreaming to aspire to inspire and trying to find something happy in the darkness.

20:45 Getting back in the groove and getting groovy.

21:21 The Our Man in Havana reading from Higher Than Jesus by Robert Chazz Chute

At 39:00 Check out www.ThisPlagueOfDays.com for a great article on emergency preparedness and BOBs (Bug Out Bags) by author Jordanna East. Then it’s Plugapalooza for www.DecisionToChange.com and www.CoolPeoplePodcast.com. 

Update

I used the Cool People Podcast graphic for this episode of All that Chazz! Darn! Oh, well. I’ll leave it as cross-promotion for www.CoolPeoplePodcast.com. Problem solved! Also, this is episode 76 of the podcast, not #75. This headache has taken over my brain. 

Be my hero

Chazz ComicPlease help me out with the podcast costs and keep it going by donating to the podcast using the pretty and equally secure little yellow buttons at AllThatChazz.com or CoolPeoplePodcast.com. If you can’t do that, please leave a happy review on iTunes. Thanks! 

Podcast art by the great Kit Foster of www.KitFosterDesign.com. Music was The Mechanolith by Kevin MacLeod of Incompetech.com. 

I believe (but I’m not a belieber)

NSFW podcast of peril: Deathmatch with a nurse, combat in the ER, condemning Bush and Cheney, swearing in church, and Higher Than Jesus! I’m full of shenanigans in this, the 75th episode of the All That Chazz podcast. Frowned upon by the Amish. However, this program is approved by 96.2% of cool people, people who actually enjoy being entertained and 12.6% of cats. (Sorry, grumpy cats. We’ll work harder.)

FYI: SCROLL DOWN FOR DETAILS ABOUT MY CONTEST ON VINE. You could win

Please click to grab the gripping, funny crime thriller by Robert Chazz Chute.
Please click to grab the gripping, funny crime thriller by Robert Chazz Chute.

an autographed copy of Bigger Than Jesus if you’re closest to the number of posts it takes for me to get to the end of “Another Day at the Office”, a short story from Self-help for Stoners.

Self Help for Stoners JPEGAt the top of the show: Vengeance is mine! HaHAhahahahahaha!

At 0:45 What I believe. (Mostly, sorta. This gets fun.)

At 3:49 Author versus bad nurse. She wins. I promise vengeance. (I get so mad and scared I create a new website DecisionToChange.com.) Get healthy with me at DecisionToChange.com.

10:28 Double Jeopardy, a reading from my crime novel Higher Than Jesus

At 22:24 An invitation to: AllThatChazz.com, Higher+than+Jesus+Front+1029ChazzWrites.com, ThisPlagueofDays.com, onlysixseconds.wordpress.com, CoolPeoplePodcast.com, and DecisionToChange.com.

Music today was “All This” by Kevin MacLeod of Incompetech.com. 

Podcast art by sponsor Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com.

Like the show? Please leave your compliments in an iTunes review. Or donate. Or buy a book. (See all the links to all the books at AllThatChazz.com, including the link to Higher Than Jesus if you can’t stand my reading of my funny crime novel.)

Jerks, Near-Death, Time Travel and Alternate Reality

This episode gets weird. From getting blessed by an angel to starting over, this is a monologue of strange experiences. I’m defeated by sunflower seeds, but I think I can figure out something about the universe in this journey from kissing a character from one of my books to finding peace for somebody who doesn’t deserve forgiveness. (I let him live! Isn’t that enough?)

There’s also The Big Decision: Get thin and healthy.
Formula: (Fat + protein) – (processed food, white food, non-food, bad carbs or sugar) + exercise.
How did I arrive at that decision? Sunlight and deciding I’m a thin person (all evidence to the contrary) and acting that way.

I’m continuing with the first author reading on Vine this week. It’s a funny short story from my book Self-help for Stoners. It’s about how to get away with murder and massive marijuana possession in Texas with a skunk and a smile.

Apologies: I won’t be reading the next instalment of Higher Than Jesus until the next episode of All That Chazz. (I’m not holding the book  hostage, but this episode went long and bandwidth fees are an issue. Um…I insist I’m not holding the crime novel hostage but if you want to help out with bandwidth fees, that would be great. Please click on the safe and secure yellow donate button at AllThatChazz.com or CoolPeoplePodcast.com.

To enter to win this crime novel in paperback, put your guess in the comments of this post. Closest wins.
Want to get in on the Vine contest and enter to win an autographed copy of Bigger Than Jesus? Check out the post directly below this one. 

Speaking of which, have you listened to the Cool People Podcast yet? Have a listen and if you like it, please leave a review on iTunes so more people can find us. (Same for the All That Chazz podcast, come to think of it + dang it!)

New websites: ThisPlagueofDays.com and onlysixseconds.wordpress.com. Check those out, too.

You guys can get me at expartepress AT gmail DOT com or @rchazzchute on Twitter. Say hello and share what you think of the podcast.

Podcast art: Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com.

Music for today’s podcast was Pop Goes the Weasel by Kevin MacLeod of Incompetech.com.

Thanks for listening! 

~Chazz

More Fury: The Hollow Man Edition

It’s episode #73 and Bradley Manning finally gets to talk. Not to me but to the world, and that’s a good thing (finally!) Chazz is down, furious and off the deep end. This podcast includes recommendations for better podcasts, self-loathing, and whining about taxes. Chazz also gets to read a couple of his favorite chapters from Higher Than Jesus. (Also, Jesus unofficially forgives him.) Chazz also makes time to rail against haters and discovers he’s too sensitive to understand how sensitive he is.

Check out the links to books by Robert Chazz Chute under “Shop” at AllThatChazz.com. Books include:

Bigger Than Jesus

Higher Than Jesus

Self-help for Stoners

Six Seconds, How to Build Your Business with the Vine App

Crack the Indie Author Code

Write Your Books: Aspire to Inspire

Sex, Death & Mind Control 

Murders Among Dead Trees

If you like the books, please leave a happy review wherever you buy books.

Music today is Mistake the Getaway by Kevin MacLeod of Incompetech.com.

Web banners, podcast art and book covers by our sponsor, Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com.

Recommended podcasts: The Joe Rogan Experience, FAIR, Democracy Now, Best of the Left, The Young Turks, The David Feldman Show, The Jimmy Dore Show and Peter B. Collin News & Comment.

Better people than Chazz: Scott SIgler

Thanks for listening! If you like the podcast, please leave a happy review. If you can’t stand me but you like cool people, check out the Cool People Podcast at CoolPeoplePodcast.com.

The Grinding Gears Edition

I refuse one billion dollars from Yoda! General chaos, rabid dogs and the sequester grind my gears as I do battle with Stitcher. I announce my new podcast, Cool People Podcast and give you a sneak peek (or should that be a sneak “hear”? That sounds weird. Go to CoolPeoplePodcast.com to hear the first episode with horror author and zombie-loving Armand Rosamilia.) Also on the show, a medical update of terror, special thank yous and (two, count ’em, TWO!) new chapters from the crime novel of comedy, sex and violence, Higher Than Jesus. If you’re offended by the last line of the chapter “Rope”, get your Lutheran grandma to listen to it. Lutheran Grandma’s okay with vulgar jokes, right?

Shout out to new newsletter subscriber: Karen Banes of ChangetheWorldwithWords.com.

Much love to Dave Jackson from SchoolofPodcasting.com and our sponsor, Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com.

Chapter 8 of Higher Than Jesus, “Rope” begins like this:

After locking the door, you find Samuel Clemont making a fish patty for himself in the kitchen. The counters and stoves are built shorter so he can reach everything. You feel taller. Then your shoulders sag when you consider that Willow sees you the way you see this Oompa Loompa kitchen. 

Clemont scrapes the burnt fish patty off the grill with a blackened spatula and dumps it on a stiff bun beside a pile of french fries on a chipped plate. “Shoulda set up shop in New Orleans. You burn your food in the Big Easy, you just call it Cajun and nobody complains. Just add hot sauce.” He bites into his sandwich and grimaces. “I grew up in Maine, so I hate fish. Ate too much of it when I was a kid. Sick of it. Still, this halibut is about to turn. Might as well eat the profits. Still better than most food I ever had as a grunt.” 

“Is the Marines where you learned to cook?”

His laugh has a cutting edge. “Hell, no!” He drops the fish sandwich back on the plate. “Though, that would explain a lot.” 

While Clemont focuses on the fries, you look around. The M4 Carbine is propped against the wall in a corner beside a table with a box of rounds. Clemont snaps his ketchup-stained fingers and waves you over to a stool by the counter.  “I talked to Paulie again. He said you’d come.”

“It sounds like you’ve got much bigger problems than Willow’s drug dealer.”

“I thought Gillie could take care of these guys. Apparently, I was misinformed, so I guess people can change. Should have seen what he did back in the day. Gillie’s still bad ass, but inflexible about what else I need done. Since you’ve already shot Willow’s supplier, I guess you’re up. You pass the test. You can help me with the Lone Wolf and his sidekick.”

“Maybe Gillie’s got the right idea — ” … Hear the rest of the chapter or grab the all the books from the links at AllThatChazz.com.

Thanks for listening! If you like the show, please leave a happy review on iTunes.

Cheers!

~ Chazz

 

The Unknown Man Edition

In this edition of the All That Chazz podcast: Oscar fallout; scary health scares; great big kid love; Higher Than Jesus wins a cover design award; Six Seconds is released and I do a challenging (some dicks would say embarrassing) reading of chapter 7, “The Unknown Man”, from my crime novel. When I wrote the character of Chillie Gillie, I gave him a lisp. It reads well, but I had no idea how hard he would be to read aloud. You can be entertained by the story or laugh at my unintentional humour as i struggle through Chill’s dialogue.

This podcast is sponsored by Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com. In case you didn’t love Kit Foster’s work enough already, you should know that it was his work on Higher Than Jesus that earned Venture Galleries’ Cover Design Award for Hardboiled Mystery! Thanks again, Kit! Check out Kit’s portfolio. He does web banners, too, so everyone can benefit from his services.

The big announcement this week is that my quick guide to using Vine is launched! The book is Six Seconds, The Unauthorized Guide to How to Build Your Business with the Vine App. Vine is the Apple app to make short videos. I write about how to make stories, art and humour to promote your services or products in a fun way without feeling spammy. It will be available on more platforms than Apple soon, I’m sure. Think of Vine as video Twitter and get in early to make the most of it. Vines are so much fun to make, it’s an end in itself. However, I think the app has great potential for business. Finally, a fun way to promote your work and enliven your Twitter stream with easy to make video! Six Seconds is 18,000 words, brief and funny for just $1.99. Get it here. If you love it, please review it. Thank you.

Enjoy all the awkward lisping and thanks for listening!

~ Chazz