I am not puddin’. I am a jungle cat.

McDonalds used to have crap coffee. It tasted so bad, I thought it was a mistake. Then I tried it again and it tasted just as bad. Then they wanted to compete with Tim Hortons and Starbucks and improved. On my next try, I thought the McDonalds’ coffee wasn’t bad (and it was all I’d consume there.) However, after drinking it, I’d always feel awful and sleepy soon after. I found out why: It’s the mold we’re drinking in cheap coffee.

As a writer, I’m incredibly sedentary. I’m drinking, and chewing, kale shakes with some positive results to combat becoming puddin’. When I eat cookies, cakes and carbs, I feel lethargic. Knock back a kale shake and I feel energetic and focussed. But I missed the coffee. I drink almond milk as coffee, but was overloading on aspartame.

Next addition to the arsenal? Coffee, but not your dad’s coffee. Strong coffee filled with slimming MCT oil, coconut oil and unsalted creamy butter loaded with the kind of fats that are healthy for your brain and make you feel full.

I’m working on brain and body hacks using Bulletproof Exec. I can’t afford shipping in coffee, but I do have access to fire roasted coffee that seems fine. (It’s the mold and mycotoxins often found on coffee beans that make you feel like crap and when I drink the fire roasted stuff, I feel fine. I experimented with the butter (ghee) and MCT oil and coconut oil today. WIth a little bit of Xylitol (or stevia) it’s okay. It doesn’t taste as great as a latte loaded with sugar and cream, but the options I’m working with now might save my life, so there’s that.

Scoop.it

Flick That Switch: Be the Change You Want to See

This afternoon I took my son to see Here Comes the Boom, a fun little movie with Kevin James and Joe Rogan. It’s an extremely unlikely story about a 42-year-old biology teacher competing in the UFC to raise enough cash to save his high school’s music program. Henry Winkler plays the music teacher, a guy so endearing, who wouldn’t want to save him? It’s worth a few laughs and it’s sweet. It must have been okay because the moment I sat down I spilled half my son’s Slushie down my ass. I stayed and watched and got into it, though my left cheek didn’t heat up until I got home and had a hot shower.

The thing is, there’s a moment in there that made me cry (not the Slushie thing). I won’t spoil it with details. If you see it, though, it’s the moment Kevin James asks the gorgeous Salma Hayek, “How did you do this?” She replies, “I called him!”

Cut to Joe Rogan, the generous guy. I happen to know that Joe Rogan is exceedingly generous in real life: Hundred dollar tips to waiters for a bagel; helping his friends out; being kind to strangers. Like that.

And my heart said, “Chazz, you gotta be more Rogan.”

I have to do better. I’ve paid my dues and it’s time to be a success. I’m going to make that happen. I want to be the guy who does well enough to be more generous, to inspire others more , to help out more. I will, because I’m also the guy who gets things done. You know how I do that? Deciding. Then decide to do it again, and again and again and so on. The only way up that mountain is one step at a time, moment by moment.

I’m launching a bunch of books soon: non-fiction to inspire other writers and fiction to help people forget their troubles. That’s one part of what’s coming. Stay tuned. In the meantime, be more Rogan.

 

Thought for the Day: Creation

We don’t know if we were created by a god or a cosmic programmer. It’s possible we’re all merely a fluke of the universe or a subtle joke.

But we know we were forged in starlight.

That sounds important. Are you taking up the responsibility of your high office? Are you acting how something made of starlight should act?

Now is your time. Use that energy well. Don’t waste it.

When you are kind, you create harmony. When you form relationships or make something to enjoy (a friendship, a meal, a book, a living and a life) you create yourself.

Today, aspire to inspire. 

Begin. 

Manifesto: The Value of Writing and Reading

Within every book secrets are revealed, but there are deeper treasures buried beneath what you see. The book is a solid thing you can hold. The story is a  sparking, fleeting experience daring you to give chase and to catch fire.

A story is a progression through possibilities, a dense connection of ideas that ignites new electrical connections in your brain, tripping switches, releasing dopamine, letting tears slip and laughter burst. You create worlds with the author, meeting the writer’s mind amid the small words to share great visions. You are not simply decoding the language on the page. In reading, you open hidden portals to new variables: Data, information, knowledge, wisdom, lies, truth, lies that tell the truth, experience and, ultimately, choice.

Books offer novelty, chance, escape, distraction, transcendence, freedom and stimulation like no other art. Books are a uniquely cooperative, requiring a deft  weaver, yes, but also an audience willing to be gentle. Readers are dance partners. Lose yourself in the movement. Let go of counting one-two-three, one-two three. Instead, look in your dance partner’s eyes and embrace them. Enjoy the dance. Hold tight. Hold so tight you let go.

Promise: You will be transported through space, whirled in time and transformed with emotion, but you will always waking in your own bed, deposited where you began and a little regretful you aren’t in Oz anymore. It’s okay. When you come back, you aren’t you anymore. You never walk through the same door twice and remain unchanged.

For those doors you choose to open? Walk through, tread lightly and learn how to live from people who have never lived. Meet and be among characters with whom you would never dare to speak. You will witness terrible examples of how to interact in reality (…whatever that is. Imagination is a much clearer path.)  Through the heroes and heroines you meet, you will know pain and loss, sacrifice and triumph. Stories are the matrix of our desires, fears  and dreams. Books are simulations and wise guides, asking you to  draw your own conclusions.

Your mind evolved with your bare feet in the cold dirt, haunches aching, as you basked in the heat of the campfire. Amid the smell of burning meat, you listened to soaring legends about the milky pearls shining and reaching down from the black infinite. You listened to tales of the hunt and, in telling your own stories of bravery, searching and loss, reached up to touch the infinite. We tell stories to illuminate the darkness.

The careful words we pull to ourselves in the form of books are comforts in a world where, elsewhere, words are casual weapons. In the patient future, you will lie upon an overstuffed couch under a cozy blanket by your fireplace, listening to a storm’s rage and, gratefully, you will disappear into a book. Stories are journeys through mythology, revisited for the depth of our common visceral experience, touched on repeatedly to remind ourselves we are thinking, reaching, grasping animals.

The most valuable treasures slip in when you are sleeping in the reader’s trance. Meditate on theme. A book yields more than what you read. A book is a still lake on a warm summer day: Watch the rippling wind write on its surface; spot fish darting beneath in cool water; see your reflection; stretch your awareness up to the ponderous turn of clouds; lift yourself beyond, back to the infinite. Think. Reach. Grasp. 

Books are valuable because they reach into your mind and become part of who you are. Our books are ourselves. The mind does not distinguish between reality and fantasy. You know this is true of dreams, your fears and what you read. I am a writer, giving you the bones of the structure of a world. You fill in the rest, seeing my broad brushstrokes in minute detail.

Your mind is a magnificent camera that runs on black-and-white words. Your camera does not simply  record my words. You are much more important than that. Your camera co-creates in color. No two writers write the same story. A secret: No two readers draw the same word pictures from one writer. Reading is creation, too.

Books are more special than we recognize because they are no longer rare. Were novels new, they would not possess mere novelty. They would be seen as powerful. Books release staggering magic from within you, a fire once lit that must be fed.

I am a whisper in your mind. Thank you for letting me in. Amplify my words and make their thunder shake the everyday world away. Hold my book in your hands, enter the story and feel electricity’s hum. I am lightning on the horizon of your consciousness. Through this curious magic, I will meet you there. I will become you.

This is the only divinity I know. 

Elmore Leonard. You’ve inspired me.

Please click it to grab the gripping, funny crime thriller by Robert Chazz Chute.

I’ve read a lot of Elmore Leonard and I think that shows in Bigger Than Jesus. He just influenced me a bit more. You see, the thing about Netflix is that if you run across a TV show that appeals to you, whipping through a bunch of episodes at once is doable. Keep an eye on the clock because it sure can suck up a weekend. This weekend the kids were away so I watched Justified.

I don’t usually pay attention to who wrote this or that. As much as I love Kurt Vonnegut, one of his books I can’t seem to read. The same thing has happened with all the authors I love: Palahniuk and Goldman, too. There’s always at least one that isn’t for me (which is still an incredibly impressive batting average.) However, the fact that Elmore Leonard was listed as Executive Producer of Justified did get my attention so I sat down and stuck it in my head.

The EP title is sloshed around plenty in movies and TV. Often it means nothing beyond a credit and more (or less) money. However, I saw Leonard’s influence in some of the funny dialogue, at least. The winding story arc held me, as well. I like to goof around in alternate dimensions and figure out where the writers are going with the plot (and what I’d do differently.)

Justified isn’t perfect. No one in law enforcement loses his mind and turns his back on thugs as much as Timothy Olyphant does in this show. However, it’s the funny sensibility of criminals relating to other criminals (and to cops) that I groove on. It’s not laugh-a-minute, witty dialogue, but there’s certainly enough there to make it watchable, enjoyable and good for a bunch of chuckles. 

That inspires me. As I read the reviews and hear the happy feedback from readers of my books, I think there will be a few changes to the next book in The Hit Man Series. I predict a little less swearing, a little more sex, even more clever twists that will read like how-to for finding people who don’t want to be found. And more jokes. The people who love Bigger Than Jesus all mention the humour. Higher Than Jesus will raise that bar higher. Higher than Jesus.

Sit and DIE!

I just joined a Facebook group for writers encouraging each other to get daily exercise and be healthier. It’s been on my mind a lot, especially after all the studies about how people who sit for several hours a day are at greater risk of getting killed by ninjas. Okay, I didn’t read those studies too carefully, but the upshot was, sit and DIE!

We write from the heart for hours on end. It’s bad for our hearts. We have to eat healthier than the average bear (more blueberries and salmon, less garbage in our pic-a-nic baskets.) I have a treadmill desk and I try to alternate that with the chair, though there are a lot of things I do that make the treadmill desk less conducive to my best work. Walking while working is fine for surfing, not so good for composition.

Today I ate a kale shake (à la Joe Rogan’s recipe), ate egg whites and a few blueberries and opted for almond milk instead of coffee. Tonight, more exercise. It’s all part of the deal when you write for a living. You have to exercise more to live, and perhaps become immortal beyond the page.