From publishing’s rabbit’s warren

Sorry there was no podcast last week. I’ve found that publishing three ebooks and three print books at one time is somewhat time-consuming. (Who knew?!) This weekend I pulled my first all-nighter since studying anatomy and neurophysiology years ago. I can still go all night (ladies!) but the next day I wander in a fog looking for my teddy bear and a good place to walk in a circle three times and collapse, cocker spaniel-like.

I will (little doubt) publish a podcast later this week as long as I don’t have any flack from Amazon about the uploads. I shouldn’t have any problems now, but after my adventures wrestling with the publishing program Scrivener this week, I’m now a more cynical person. Stuff that should work? I don’t trust it anymore. Stuff that should work after so many attempts, yet still doesn’t? After a series of relentless failures in getting files to publish properly, you begin to expect the worst.

I’ll have news about Higher Than Jesus, Crack the Indie Author Code and Write Your Book: Aspire to Inspire. Soon. I hope.

So much to do, so many mimes to kill.

 

 

Links-a-plenty: Kale shakes & getting healthier

 

Author Denise DeSio asked about kale shakes. (My buddy and graphic artist, Kit Foster, thinks I’m insane for drinking them and sent me the above graphic for a laugh.) I started a reply to Denise on ChazzWrites, but then my short answer got away from me. Here’s how I make my kale shakes for weight loss, mental acuity, health and a general feeling of awesomeness. (I’m not a doctor. I just remember what smart people say.)

First, the kale shakes: There are a lot of recipes out there, but I add at least a fistful of kale to a blender with a cup of water; add a small pear or two and a little coconut oil to a food processor or blender and set the speed to “liquefy to death”. The coconut oil adds healthy fat, is filling and sweet and increases absorption of fat-soluble vitamins. Put the kale and water in first for easier blending. If your blender sucks, get straws with an extra-large circumference intended for thick milkshakes.

My drinks vary. I add protein powder and a carrot (for colour and beta carotene) or an avocado (for texture). Some people call it juice fasting. I call my shakes “liquified salads” that allow me to eat more vegetables than I otherwise would. It’s much more convenient, filling and pleasant than doing my rabbit impression.

Some kale shakes are more aggressive in their nutritional payload and punch, and include cayenne pepper, ginger or garlic. Experiment to find the right mix of fruits and vegetables. Strawberries are sweet but don’t have too many calories if you don’t go too crazy. Bananas are sweet, but they add too much sugar to be helpful (high glycemic index). The more cruciferous vegetables, the better.

Watch the fun and inspirational documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. If that appeals to you, you can join the movement and get more details at www.JointheReboot.com.

For variety, I’ll have almond milk as a coffee with a bit of baking cocoa. I start each day with coffee with ghee (or grass-fed butter) so I feel full longer and eat much less than I used to. All those healthy fats increase satiety so the number of calories consumed goes way down and, contrary to the low-fat diet mantra that’s failed us miserably, the right kinds of fats actually combat cardiovascular disease. Fat and portion control is the answer to what cardiologists refer to as the French Paradox (i.e. The French are healthier than North Americans yet consume more fat.) We aren’t what we eat. We are the lies we swallow.

For more on the joys of almond milk, veganism and the struggle to eat better, listen to my podcast discussion with Mark Young, the smartest and tallest vegan I know.  Mark’s blog is MondaysAreMeatless

I still eat meat, but less so. I’m more Paleo diet than vegan, though I’m eating less of everything and vegetables are the main focus. For instance, I used to eat more luggage when forced to wait in airport lounges. Small children weren’t safe.

For years people have been running away from coconut oil and avocado, but they’re full of good fats (omega 3s and 6s.) If coconut isn’t for you, consider neutral-tasting MCT oil for the healthy, medium-chain fatty acids. I avoid sugar whenever possible. I’ve begun to get away from Aspartame because, now that I’m not anaesthetizing myself to my psychic pain with simple carbs, I feel more sensitive to my reactions to foods and chemicals. I opt more for xylitol or stevia as sweeteners. (Too much xylitol and you’re in the bathroom, jetting for lift-off.)

I also feel much sharper mentally now that I’m riding the green train. White bread, white rice, simple carbs and processed foods make me sleepy (when they don’t leave me hungrier.) You know you’re getting older when a couple of slices of Wonder Bread put you in a coma. I’ve eliminated pop. I exercise more and I’m sleeping better. Though I use a treadmill desk, writers are still so damn sedentary there’s really no choice but to move more if we hope to live long enough to see our books published. We have to take care of ourselves. I’m thinking of hiring a big guy to chase me.

The diet alterations are working for me. I started out with a kale shake a day and have graduated to two or even three instead of canned and processed crap. Grocery shopping is cheaper and takes much less time now because I buy leaves at farmers’ markets. (“Ooh, kale!” I say. “That would taste good chopped into a molecular paste with garlic and a half a cup of blueberries!”

For more on Upgraded Coffee and surprising brain and body hacks, check out BulletproofExec.com.

I am not puddin’. I am a jungle cat.

McDonalds used to have crap coffee. It tasted so bad, I thought it was a mistake. Then I tried it again and it tasted just as bad. Then they wanted to compete with Tim Hortons and Starbucks and improved. On my next try, I thought the McDonalds’ coffee wasn’t bad (and it was all I’d consume there.) However, after drinking it, I’d always feel awful and sleepy soon after. I found out why: It’s the mold we’re drinking in cheap coffee.

As a writer, I’m incredibly sedentary. I’m drinking, and chewing, kale shakes with some positive results to combat becoming puddin’. When I eat cookies, cakes and carbs, I feel lethargic. Knock back a kale shake and I feel energetic and focussed. But I missed the coffee. I drink almond milk as coffee, but was overloading on aspartame.

Next addition to the arsenal? Coffee, but not your dad’s coffee. Strong coffee filled with slimming MCT oil, coconut oil and unsalted creamy butter loaded with the kind of fats that are healthy for your brain and make you feel full.

I’m working on brain and body hacks using Bulletproof Exec. I can’t afford shipping in coffee, but I do have access to fire roasted coffee that seems fine. (It’s the mold and mycotoxins often found on coffee beans that make you feel like crap and when I drink the fire roasted stuff, I feel fine. I experimented with the butter (ghee) and MCT oil and coconut oil today. WIth a little bit of Xylitol (or stevia) it’s okay. It doesn’t taste as great as a latte loaded with sugar and cream, but the options I’m working with now might save my life, so there’s that.

Scoop.it

Flick That Switch: Be the Change You Want to See

This afternoon I took my son to see Here Comes the Boom, a fun little movie with Kevin James and Joe Rogan. It’s an extremely unlikely story about a 42-year-old biology teacher competing in the UFC to raise enough cash to save his high school’s music program. Henry Winkler plays the music teacher, a guy so endearing, who wouldn’t want to save him? It’s worth a few laughs and it’s sweet. It must have been okay because the moment I sat down I spilled half my son’s Slushie down my ass. I stayed and watched and got into it, though my left cheek didn’t heat up until I got home and had a hot shower.

The thing is, there’s a moment in there that made me cry (not the Slushie thing). I won’t spoil it with details. If you see it, though, it’s the moment Kevin James asks the gorgeous Salma Hayek, “How did you do this?” She replies, “I called him!”

Cut to Joe Rogan, the generous guy. I happen to know that Joe Rogan is exceedingly generous in real life: Hundred dollar tips to waiters for a bagel; helping his friends out; being kind to strangers. Like that.

And my heart said, “Chazz, you gotta be more Rogan.”

I have to do better. I’ve paid my dues and it’s time to be a success. I’m going to make that happen. I want to be the guy who does well enough to be more generous, to inspire others more , to help out more. I will, because I’m also the guy who gets things done. You know how I do that? Deciding. Then decide to do it again, and again and again and so on. The only way up that mountain is one step at a time, moment by moment.

I’m launching a bunch of books soon: non-fiction to inspire other writers and fiction to help people forget their troubles. That’s one part of what’s coming. Stay tuned. In the meantime, be more Rogan.

 

Thought for the Day: Creation

We don’t know if we were created by a god or a cosmic programmer. It’s possible we’re all merely a fluke of the universe or a subtle joke.

But we know we were forged in starlight.

That sounds important. Are you taking up the responsibility of your high office? Are you acting how something made of starlight should act?

Now is your time. Use that energy well. Don’t waste it.

When you are kind, you create harmony. When you form relationships or make something to enjoy (a friendship, a meal, a book, a living and a life) you create yourself.

Today, aspire to inspire. 

Begin. 

Manifesto: The Value of Writing and Reading

Within every book secrets are revealed, but there are deeper treasures buried beneath what you see. The book is a solid thing you can hold. The story is a  sparking, fleeting experience daring you to give chase and to catch fire.

A story is a progression through possibilities, a dense connection of ideas that ignites new electrical connections in your brain, tripping switches, releasing dopamine, letting tears slip and laughter burst. You create worlds with the author, meeting the writer’s mind amid the small words to share great visions. You are not simply decoding the language on the page. In reading, you open hidden portals to new variables: Data, information, knowledge, wisdom, lies, truth, lies that tell the truth, experience and, ultimately, choice.

Books offer novelty, chance, escape, distraction, transcendence, freedom and stimulation like no other art. Books are a uniquely cooperative, requiring a deft  weaver, yes, but also an audience willing to be gentle. Readers are dance partners. Lose yourself in the movement. Let go of counting one-two-three, one-two three. Instead, look in your dance partner’s eyes and embrace them. Enjoy the dance. Hold tight. Hold so tight you let go.

Promise: You will be transported through space, whirled in time and transformed with emotion, but you will always waking in your own bed, deposited where you began and a little regretful you aren’t in Oz anymore. It’s okay. When you come back, you aren’t you anymore. You never walk through the same door twice and remain unchanged.

For those doors you choose to open? Walk through, tread lightly and learn how to live from people who have never lived. Meet and be among characters with whom you would never dare to speak. You will witness terrible examples of how to interact in reality (…whatever that is. Imagination is a much clearer path.)  Through the heroes and heroines you meet, you will know pain and loss, sacrifice and triumph. Stories are the matrix of our desires, fears  and dreams. Books are simulations and wise guides, asking you to  draw your own conclusions.

Your mind evolved with your bare feet in the cold dirt, haunches aching, as you basked in the heat of the campfire. Amid the smell of burning meat, you listened to soaring legends about the milky pearls shining and reaching down from the black infinite. You listened to tales of the hunt and, in telling your own stories of bravery, searching and loss, reached up to touch the infinite. We tell stories to illuminate the darkness.

The careful words we pull to ourselves in the form of books are comforts in a world where, elsewhere, words are casual weapons. In the patient future, you will lie upon an overstuffed couch under a cozy blanket by your fireplace, listening to a storm’s rage and, gratefully, you will disappear into a book. Stories are journeys through mythology, revisited for the depth of our common visceral experience, touched on repeatedly to remind ourselves we are thinking, reaching, grasping animals.

The most valuable treasures slip in when you are sleeping in the reader’s trance. Meditate on theme. A book yields more than what you read. A book is a still lake on a warm summer day: Watch the rippling wind write on its surface; spot fish darting beneath in cool water; see your reflection; stretch your awareness up to the ponderous turn of clouds; lift yourself beyond, back to the infinite. Think. Reach. Grasp. 

Books are valuable because they reach into your mind and become part of who you are. Our books are ourselves. The mind does not distinguish between reality and fantasy. You know this is true of dreams, your fears and what you read. I am a writer, giving you the bones of the structure of a world. You fill in the rest, seeing my broad brushstrokes in minute detail.

Your mind is a magnificent camera that runs on black-and-white words. Your camera does not simply  record my words. You are much more important than that. Your camera co-creates in color. No two writers write the same story. A secret: No two readers draw the same word pictures from one writer. Reading is creation, too.

Books are more special than we recognize because they are no longer rare. Were novels new, they would not possess mere novelty. They would be seen as powerful. Books release staggering magic from within you, a fire once lit that must be fed.

I am a whisper in your mind. Thank you for letting me in. Amplify my words and make their thunder shake the everyday world away. Hold my book in your hands, enter the story and feel electricity’s hum. I am lightning on the horizon of your consciousness. Through this curious magic, I will meet you there. I will become you.

This is the only divinity I know. 

Elmore Leonard. You’ve inspired me.

Please click it to grab the gripping, funny crime thriller by Robert Chazz Chute.

I’ve read a lot of Elmore Leonard and I think that shows in Bigger Than Jesus. He just influenced me a bit more. You see, the thing about Netflix is that if you run across a TV show that appeals to you, whipping through a bunch of episodes at once is doable. Keep an eye on the clock because it sure can suck up a weekend. This weekend the kids were away so I watched Justified.

I don’t usually pay attention to who wrote this or that. As much as I love Kurt Vonnegut, one of his books I can’t seem to read. The same thing has happened with all the authors I love: Palahniuk and Goldman, too. There’s always at least one that isn’t for me (which is still an incredibly impressive batting average.) However, the fact that Elmore Leonard was listed as Executive Producer of Justified did get my attention so I sat down and stuck it in my head.

The EP title is sloshed around plenty in movies and TV. Often it means nothing beyond a credit and more (or less) money. However, I saw Leonard’s influence in some of the funny dialogue, at least. The winding story arc held me, as well. I like to goof around in alternate dimensions and figure out where the writers are going with the plot (and what I’d do differently.)

Justified isn’t perfect. No one in law enforcement loses his mind and turns his back on thugs as much as Timothy Olyphant does in this show. However, it’s the funny sensibility of criminals relating to other criminals (and to cops) that I groove on. It’s not laugh-a-minute, witty dialogue, but there’s certainly enough there to make it watchable, enjoyable and good for a bunch of chuckles. 

That inspires me. As I read the reviews and hear the happy feedback from readers of my books, I think there will be a few changes to the next book in The Hit Man Series. I predict a little less swearing, a little more sex, even more clever twists that will read like how-to for finding people who don’t want to be found. And more jokes. The people who love Bigger Than Jesus all mention the humour. Higher Than Jesus will raise that bar higher. Higher than Jesus.