Category: Musings

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Our Brains and Why All Empires Fall

One of the strangest turns in the news came this week when an alarming and easily predicted future became mundane history. Trump posted, “Long live the King.” That wasn’t surprising. However, some of his cult members backed him by celebrating. “Trump is king!” Many of these same folks post 1776 in their social media bios. Knuckleheaded knuckledraggers may know their country’s history. It seems they’ve abandoned the values they claimed they most cherished. Monarchy is back, baby! Get used to it!

Reminds one of the so-called evangelicals who, last year, decided to let go the gentler teachings of Christ. Jesus was “too woke” for our troubled times, apparently. They still call themselves Christian, just meaner and in a roid rage, I guess.

What feeds this nonsense? Bias.

There are many types of cognitive bias that affect us. There is hindsight bias, loss aversion bias, the gambler’s fallacy, and the beastly Dunning-Kruger effect. The D-K effect plus confirmation bias is a lethal combination, dangerous to civilization. Those are the better-known afflictions. I have a couple of favorites that may not be on your radar:

Survivor Bias

Survivor bias goes like this: “We live in a land of opportunity! I make a lot of money, so why can’t everybody else?”

This bias plays into the myth of the self-made individual. It ignores a plethora of historical, systemic, and personal variables. This bias turns the principle of fair financial compensation into a cruel game of keep-away. When interviewed, successful people often extol the virtue of hard work. Only a few self-aware ones say, “I worked hard, but I got incredibly lucky! I made it, but I’m not altogether sure how, but I know I’m an outlier.” It’s much more tempting to believe “I built X and now own a couple of yachts because I’m a genius.”

Lots of people work hard and are never adequately compensated. If success were so easily replicable, more people would attain it. For instance, if you’re a nepobaby who won the genetic lottery, the path to stardom is paved with pillows. Nobody who catches those breaks talks about that. When asked the secret to their success, I’ve heard actors say, “I know my lines and I show up on time.” Learning a script can be difficult, but showing up on time? You mean like every other employee on the planet? That’s blind privilege talking, you handsome dunce. That’s survivor bias.

Survivor bias doesn’t come up first as one of the more lethal societal ills, but it is dangerous. It feeds a delusion that’s used as a cudgel on the oppressed and unfortunate. If the poor deserve to be poor, you only care if you’re poor. Not much room for kindness and mercy there, huh? Survivor bias makes its believer a terrible person and everyone else worse off.

Normalcy Bias

An author friend messaged me to ask, since I write apocalyptic novels, does our current political situation feel like I’m living in one of my books? I’ve written about the many ways empires fall. My back catalog includes zombies, vampires, AI domination, killer robots, alien invasion, meteors, climate crises, disease, nuclear conflagration, mass poverty, and famine. Lots of fun to explore in fiction, right? What’s unfolding now, though? I couldn’t write it because so much of it sounds outlandish, too dumb, and replete with hissy fits. Nuclear stockpile inspectors and warhead assembly experts getting fired en masse sounds too silly, doesn’t it? That happened. Then somebody said, “Oopsy! Get them back! Where are their email addresses? What do you mean you deleted their email addresses?”

The doomsday clock is now 89 seconds to midnight. The world is teetering toward all your worst nightmares. Still, we carry on, believing that cooler heads will prevail. That, my friends, is normalcy bias.

The courts decided they couldn’t allow a presidential candidate to go to jail for even one day for his crimes. He should have been confined for contempt and endangering officers of the court, at the very least. Didn’t happen. Couldn’t happen. That was normalcy bias at its dark and dirty work. You’ve always been told no one is above the law. Obviously not so.

The objection always comes to changing circumstances: “X can’t happen because it’s never happened before. It would be unprecedented!”

This is a recurring theme in my fiction (and my answer to this complaint):

Everything is unprecedented until it’s not.

Normalcy bias keeps you dangerously comfortable. It assures you that the health insurance you have relied on will always be there for you. Why? Because it always has been. To lose it would be unprecedented! (See above.)

Normalcy bias kept endangered people from fleeing Germany before World War II broke out. Normalcy bias assures people that all their investments are safe until the stock market collapses. Normalcy bias made Canadians, Mexicans, and all NATO allies feel that the United States government would be their friend. The news reveals the truth: People have friends. Governments have interests.

Human behavior, mental illness, and neurobiology are interests I try to monetize by writing novels with flawed characters. Sometimes, they suffer mental health issues like mine (anxiety, for one instance). Other times, they use their knowledge to manipulate others. It’s fun in fiction. When cognitive biases dominate our media intake and the political sphere, ignorant people transform into monsters and innocent people suffer and die. Our biases make us more vulnerable to personal and systemic failure. Ignorance can be cured easily, but stupid is much more complicated.

Biases kill.

(On the other hand, when I meet with literary agents in April, I’ll pull from my bag of tricks in the pitch meetings to sell my next book, but that’s another post. Villainous laughter: Mwah-ha-ha-ha!)

In the meantime, have you read All Empires Fall yet?

Why all Empires Fall
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And Now the News You Don’t Want

It’s interesting to watch things fall apart. This feels like our plane is falling from the sky while the pilot tells you, “This is for your own good, you know. Thank me.”

The news is hard to keep up with. While DOGE divulges national security secrets, the FDA suffers massive layoffs. If food safety was important to you, too bad. Not enough food inspectors. Everything that goes awry is blamed on Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion.

Pro Tip: Next time someone says they are against DEI, ask them which particular aspect they are against. Are they against diversity, equality, or inclusion? If they just say DEI, there’s a good chance they can’t define the term, and the slogan might just be shorthand for a slur.


As a Canadian and an author, naturally I’m concerned about the trade war. The blanket tariffs on Canada have been put off until Donald has another whim, an empty complaint or a non-specific demand. He has managed to do something no Canadian politician has accomplished: We are united against him. When you get Quebecois and English Canada working together against you, you know you’ve fucked up.

To their credit, many Americans are also feeling vulnerable and oogy. A handful of young dogebags with very questionable credentials are mining their personal data. These cadets for prison say they’re conducting audits, but there’s not an accountant in sight. If you only bring hackers to the job, the job is hacking.

On Boycotts

February 28, everyone is encouraged to buy local, and not give money to oligarchs. Will this make a difference? Probably not if it’s just one day. What’s more impressive and effective are the ongoing changes in buying habits. Canadians don’t have a lot of alternatives for streaming services, so most of us won’t give up Amazon Prime and Disney. On the other hand, Canadians are staying away from cross-border shopping.

Whenever I’ve nipped across the border, the cars in mall parking lots in Port Huron are filled with Ontario license plates. Not anymore, and those businesses are feeling the pinch. Likewise, Canadian tourism to the United States has plummeted so much that Air Canada has cancelled a lot of flights. Given the blanket firings at the FAA, many of us are leery of flying, anyway. Donald assured us flying was safe, except we’re all in danger from unqualified air traffic controllers and pilots…but we’re safe. What?

This White House is notorious for its muddled messaging. For instance, tariffs are great for America! How will we punish Canada and Mexico? Tariffs! What? Those little countries will put retaliatory tariffs on us? Terrible! How dare they?

Writing in a Dangerous Time

I love my readers, and most of them, by far, are from the States. I’ve entertained many citizens of the Divided States of America, and I bear them no ill will. It’s their government that’s the problem. Canada will not become the 51st state. If that were to transpire somehow, this grasping president would soon find out he doesn’t want what he thought he did.

So, how will all this affect my book sales? My sales will go down. That will occur, but not because of any mass animus on either side of the border. It will happen because our two countries are headed for a recession. When people can’t afford to buy eggs, have lost their job, or can’t pay the rent, they won’t be buying my delightful fiction. In times of trouble, fiction is an excellent distraction that soothes the soul. In times of disaster, you can’t read when you’re too busy running.

Should you boycott Amazon? Up to you. Consider two factors: (A) That’s my entire source of income, and (B) Jeff Bezos won’t care. Bezos has much bigger fish to fry and planets to invade. But seriously, it’s up to you. If you are boycotting Amazon and the other oligarchs, I really can’t complain. I’m buying Canadian products and support local retailers as much as I can manage. The universal tariffs aren’t on us right now, but the international trust is gone, and our friendship is damaged. Threatened with domination, Canadians don’t look upon America as kindly anymore. We were happy to be friends, but Donald insistence on gratitude has only angered us and strengthened our resolve to affirm our national identity.

To the Americans who don’t get it, I’ll simplify: Patriotism isn’t just for you. If China talked carelessly about annexing Texas, you’d lose your shit. See?

What about that trust we lost?

Canadians have long been the US’s biggest ally and solid trading partner. Now, my government is pushed toward expanding trade with other nations. China, Europe, and Brazil spring to mind first. A new trade agreement has been founded with Ecuador. While some Americans toy with the idea of attacking NATO allies, there’s talk of Canada joining the EU. Donald talks about how the American military protects us, but all we feel is a need for protection from the US military.

I’m tired of the media talking about a “budding” constitutional crisis in the US. It’s not coming. It’s here, and by the way, we’re all in more danger than we were a month ago. The Five Eyes shared sensitive information and surveillance resources to tamp down terrorist groups. Given that Donald has a habit of keeping top-secret documents in unsecured locations, it’s now the Four Eyes. They won’t share important information if they think it could be compromised so easily. Terrorist attacks will succeed in the next four years due to this sad lack of international cooperation and coordination. (There’s another reason to stay off planes.)

Information mismanagement is a huge problem (and possibly the plan) with this new administration. Abandoning the World Health Organization means less data pooling among researchers. No USAID? Diseases that were squelched fast in far lands will appear here.* Measles is on the rise. Bird flu is in the offing. Dismantling CDC pandemic response teams and installing RFK as chief quack means disease and disaster are dead ahead. And I do mean dead.

*For a shocking look at Trump’s death toll that’s already killing babies, watch the first episode of 2025 of Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. (No, I haven’t given up my HBO subscription through Crave yet, and John Oliver is the reason. His best joke about his own appearance: “I look like a parrot who works at a bank!” Damn, I love John Oliver.)

Look, I’ve written a lot of apocalyptic novels. The burden in fiction is achieving verisimilitude. It has to sound authentic. In this non-fiction scenario, we’re running headlong toward lethal folly. In a novel. I would never write what’s happened in the first month of the Trump presidency. It would sound too silly. Even the most hardcore of Donald Trump’s supporters must have at least struggled a little with his thoughtless layoffs of experts who ensure nuclear weapons don’t blow up in their silos. The regulators and safety inspectors work in the Department of Energy. I guess Trump and Elon didn’t understand that designation is really a misnomer. It’s less the Department of Energy and more the Department of Nuclear Weapons.

I’ll keep writing books because I have no other skills of note. I hope we all come out the other side of this healthy, horny, and perhaps wiser. I try to let go of what I can’t control. I’ll do what I can to resist. For instance, I’ll boo the US national anthem. Does that have any effect? Actually, yes, because it goes against the Canadian stereotype and shocks the senses of those who are, for one reason or another, trying to normalize the abnormal. Too many US citizens, brainwashed by decades of the American Exceptionalism virus, don’t see us as a separate nation. They don’t think of us at all, really. We either simply don’t matter to them, or we’re the butt of lame jokes. Sounds like Canada needs new close allies, doesn’t it? Donald’s the consummate bad boyfriend.

Some Canadians don’t agree we should boo the US national anthem. I considered their objection of “That’s not who we are.” Then I saw the comment: “The country that aims to annex us says booing their national anthem is impolite.” Yeah, I’m gonna have to go with booing.

I am a writer who wants to entertain my readers, but I was Canadian first, and I love that. We share many similarities with our neighbours to the south, but we are different. For instance, Canadian healthcare saved the vision in my left eye and gave me two hip implants that allow me to walk without pain. All I had to pay was parking. School shooting are a rarity here. Meanwhile, in the States, I have often confused this week’s mass murders with last week’s mass murders. No, I don’t ache to own an arsenal and call that freedom. No, I don’t want to be a vassal to a King who wouldn’t bother to piss on me if I were on fire.

What am I going to do for the next four years?

I‘ll keep writing books for anyone who will have me. When confronting chaos, I’ll try not to panic and use my voice to serve righteous causes. That’s probably about all the force I can muster. Given the larger forces at play, maybe I should learn the language of the newest sole superpower. Mandarin will be difficult, but well….

The better question is, why do so many Americans defy their history and great future potential to serve a king who thinks “groceries” is a new word?*

*Yeah, he said that.

The Empathy Deficit

Donald suffers from ED, Empathy Deficit. Donald does terrible things and calls it virtue. If he had empathy for others, he wouldn’t do the things he does. Apparently, that infection hit some 30 – 40% of American citizens. Some of his voters are now discovering their mistake, but too late. The next election is far off. Next time, do your research before the election. If you’re MAGA, just know it’s not all your fault. You’ve been tricked, probably because the amygdala in your brain is too big. (That’s the fear center of your brain, so no, that’s not good. Your fears are overcoming your neo-cortex, where the thinking happens.)

Last night, I listened to a political debate. The host pointed out that the MAGA guest’s taxes would soon rise by three percent. He also mentioned that defunding USAID would kill 20 million people. The MAGA guest panicked about the 3% tax hike. He didn’t react at all to the deaths of 20 million people. That careless disregard for humanity is the rot at the root.

Note: This sort of post won’t be a regular thing. I’ll touch base with current events from time to time, but I’ll also give you stress relief here. I prefer fiction to real life, especially now.

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This Is How It All Ends

If you want a happy ending, it depends on where you stop the story.

– Orson Welles

Once upon a time, several years ago, She Who Must Be Obeyed and I were lolling on the couch discussing happily-ever-afters (or HEA, if you’re a savvy reader).

Writers are often told to write what they know. If that were too solid a rule, too much excellent science fiction would vanish from existence. I say, write what you care about, and great things will follow. Similarly, it’s not my aim to provide a HEA every time so much as give readers a satisfying ending.

“So maybe I’ll cry, maybe I won’t?” my wife asked.

“You may turn the last page shuddering in tears of joy and recognition,” I replied in an arch English accent (because that’s my villainous voice). “Even if the resolution turns into a Pyrrhic victory, I dole out some hope. It’s not a downer ending I’m looking for, just a real one.”

“So bittersweet, dripping with verisimilitude?” SWMBO asked.

“Yeah, but not too much.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because fiction should be an entertaining escape. Real life is too harsh. In real life, our endings are all too tragic and full of fear. Take this moment,” I said. “You and me are on the couch, and the kids sleeping peacefully in bed. This will all end in tears, but right now is our happily ever after.”

Her eyes widened.

“This is it, baby,” I said. “Our happy ending! Are you happy?”

“Yes.”

“Cherish this time. I do.”

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Vigilante Justice and the American Healthcare Dilemma

The murder of a health insurance CEO in New York is an interesting moment in American history. It is a little surprising (but not shocking) how many people don’t care that this person was killed. (Read reactions to Brian Thompson’s killing on Huffpost here.)

I’m not condoning murder. However, the more you learn about the practices of his company, the more you understand the impulse to dismiss the crime with, “Oh, well.”

I write stories about vigilante justice.

I prefer those stories to stay within the confines of fiction.

I spoke with an American friend recently who needed medical tests. They had insurance, but the co-pay was usurious. Another American friend had a series of worrying symptoms. He couldn’t afford to visit a doctor. He had to choose groceries and rent over the possibility of a horrible death.

I see my doctor a few times a year. I couldn’t afford to be a hypochondriac in the United States. Medical bankruptcy is not a thing in Canada. Here, there are no such things as pre-existing conditions. We just call that your medical history.

Non-Americans look at the richest country in the world and wonder, “How are you okay with this?”

We rarely visit the United States. We wouldn’t consider stepping south of the border for a moment without medical travel insurance. Going without insurance is one thing. Paying for insurance and still not being able to access healthcare anyway is especially galling.

People feel the way they do about this murder for genuine reasons. This one rich man’s death will get much more attention than the deaths of others. His company’s policies deny care to people in need, but that is already known. It doesn’t seem the demise of so many patients will be investigated with half as much vigor as the CEO’s death.

I am so grateful for universal healthcare.

I have had surgery to save the vision in my left eye. In 2023, I had two hips replaced. The care was excellent and timely. The most I had to pay for all that excellent care was parking fees. There is nowhere on Earth where universal healthcare is perfect. I prefer less-than-perfect to the confusion and deceit present in the American healthcare system.

What does that murder mean, though?

This murder, this moment, is not a cultural shift on its own. It’s a symptom of a sick system. When justice fails, people give up on norms. This has been coming a long time. In the middle of a stump speech to a conservative crowd years ago, Ron Paul spoke of providing healthcare to the poor. “Should we let them die?” Paul expected a resounding no. Instead, someone yelled, “Yes!” The assembled burst into a round of applause.

This is an increasingly dangerous time. When empathy disappears, society fails.

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How I Got the Best Sleep of My Life

Every exercise, diet, and brain performance guru tells you to prioritize sleep. Where their advice often falls down is the how of it. Last night, I had the best sleep since the womb. I’m going to tell you how. I’m not a doctor. Consult your own. I can only tell you what worked for me.

I have two sleep disorders, so when I went to a sleep specialist, I was hoping for easy answers. He had lots of answers, and they were easy. They just weren’t entirely effective.

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I got the usual advice first.

Since my sleep apnea was under control, the sleep specialist gave me the same suggestions to improve sleep that you’ll find on any listicle:

Exercise, but not too close to bedtime.
When you’re sleepy, go to bed like an adult
(or a toddler forced to go to bed).
Keep the bedroom cool and dark.
Cut off screen time a couple of hours before bed.
Avoid excess stimulation in the evening.
Wind down with a book. (As a writer, I highly encourage this.)
Ditch heavy meals late in the day.
Avoid caffeine after noon.
Try a warm shower an hour or so before bed.
If you can’t sleep, get up, move to another location, and read something until you’re sleepy
Reduce stress.

Try again.

I am a hot sleeper, so I’ve tried cooling blankets and all manner of cooling pillows. None of them stay cool for very long. I’ve even tried ice packs in the bed. All to little or no avail. Every morning, two of my four pillows are on the floor, the sheets are twisted into nooses, and it looks like I lost a fight with ghosts and demons.

What worked for me.

  • I upped my magnesium intake, including a magnesium cream 30 minutes before bed.
  • I had a CBN edible. (This one has no THC or CBD in it, though I’ve found that can help.)
  • The newest additions to my sleep strategies were (a) noise-canceling earbuds made of silicone, and (b) silicone tubes in the nostrils.

The noise reduction was significant. All I could hear was my own breathing. I’d tried nose strips before, but they did nothing for me. With the tubes in my nose, my sinuses opened up to nice cool air. I could sleep with my mouth closed, and I slept deeply. I also knocked out for much longer than usual without interruption.

I will grant you, these are not sexy strategies. However, I woke up refreshed and greeted my wife with, “It’s a beautiful world, full of beautiful people doing beautiful things!” And I had a productive day. It was a good day. Good days are sexy, especially when you are unused to good days.

It’s early evening as I write this. I have enough time and energy before bed to go over suggestions from beta readers for my next novel. It’s nice to have more energy for that, too.

Shoveled twice again this morning. It’s beautiful, but the snow on either side of my driveway is beginning to get so high, I’m throwing snow high in the air and getting quite a workout.
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My Top Five Books

Never ask a writer which is the best book they’ve written. That’s like demanding they choose their favorite child. It’s mean. However, gun to my head, here are my personal top five (and why):

This Plague of Days

The global pandemic begins with a killer flu that brings down civilization as we know it. You’re shown how our systems collapse in a very real-world scenario. (This is also my most popular series.)

It’s a slow burn as the virus continues to evolve. New species rise and things get weird. The supernatural toys with the survivors of the cull and our champion, Jaimie Spencer, is a radical departure from the usual heroes in the genre. He’s a selective mute on the spectrum whose special interest in dictionaries and Latin proverbs.

As battles between Good and Evil go, this is genre-bending. TPOD is complex and expansive. No red shirts!

The Night Man

Everyone who reads this prodigal son story loves it (but many haven’t read it). On a medical discharge from the Army, Ernest “Easy” Jack returns home to rural Michigan to train German Shepherds with his father. His high school sweetheart needs help. His dad’s on the shady side of a conspiracy involving dirty cops and a murderous real estate mogul.

The Night Man‘s plot is packed with action, but it’s Easy’s complex issues with war wounds, PTSD, and a checkered family history with his hometown which makes the story work on every level. If suspenseful thrillers are your thing, please do read this next.

Citizen Second Class

This makes my top five now because, though it’s set in a near-future dystopia, the story feels too relevant to what’s going on in the United States today. Kismet Beatriz comes from a military family but her nation has forgotten them. Democracy has collapsed and the hyper-wealthy (AKA the Select Few) have turned the Atlanta into a fortress.

Against a backdrop of food shortages, unemployment, secret police, and massive income disparity, Kismet must journey to New Atlanta. All she wants to do is feed her family, but fate has bigger plans for her.

Despite the grim premise, Citizen Second Class has funny and hopeful notes. The book I’m writing now is in the same world, earlier in the timeline. The next novel is darker, more like Crime and Punishment set at the end of the world. I’m often cynical and paranoid. Given the events of 2020, I wasn’t cynical and paranoid enough.

Amid Mortal Words

Man, this was fun to write, and it’s fun to read! A powerful book falls into the hands of an Air Force officer. Passages from the book can punish the guilty and work wonders for the innocent. This one book could set the world right. It might also condemn humanity to destruction.

This is twisty and fun, but readers often find it thought-provoking. If you’ve ever dreamed of being king or queen for a day, Amid Mortal Words is your next binge read.

AFTER Life

Readers often identify me as a zombie writer, but I only have two zombie trilogies. This Plague of Days was the first. After TPOD, I thought I’d done everything I could do in the genre that would feel fresh. Then along came AFTER, and I received new inspiration.

Artificial Facilitation Therapy for Enhanced Response was supposed to be a medical miracle based in nanotechnology. Weaponized, we get zombies.

The twist: The AI infecting our brains is evolving and wants to understand and improve humans. The action is non-stop, but underneath it all the infected are still conscious humans, horrified at what they are forced to do.

This Plague of Days is a supernatural horror epic. AFTER Life is the journey where science fiction curves right as humanity goes awry. It ends up in a fascinating place at the end of the trilogy. Love it! I hope you will, too.

~ I am Robert Chazz Chute. I write killer crime thrillers and suspenseful apocalyptic epics. My faves might not be identical to yours and that’s okay. I’m proud of all my work.

Also, I must add that I love my children equally and that fact drives them both crazy.

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If you go to Nova Scotia

Here’s how to blend in:

1. Don’t eat lobster at a restaurant. That’s all butter, no sea lice taste. You get lobster off the boat. You eat the whole lobster, not just the claws and tail. Suck the juice from the legs because you’re a goddamn savage and don’t want anything to go to waste.

Always comment that you ate it all except for the poison sac behind the creature’s brain.

2. Do not wince as you tear into dulce. Don’t call it seaweed if you expect to go undetected. As you chew, always comment that it’s full of iodine.

3. Acceptable banter for any dining occasion: “I’m so hungry, I’d eat the ass out of a skunk.” If in a rural area, you may call the utensils forks and knives, but call them “eatin’ irons” and they’ll never suspect you weren’t born in Caledonia.

4. Don’t say you love fish. Say halibut, trout, or smoked salmon. When someone smokes you a salmon, by law you are required to say, “Tastes like cake!” Do not ask for a Montreal bagel to put under said salmon. It’s not the same thing and you’re in Nova Scotia now.

(Note: It tastes great, but it does not, in fact, taste like cake.)

You will be attending many bean suppers to support your local volunteer fire department. The towns may be small, but they’re decked out with firefighting equipment to rival any major city. The firehall siren will go off each day at noon to (a) test it, and (b) let you know it’s noon.

5. You do not go to the store. You go down to the store or up to the store. Also, locations are not “across the street.” They are always, “right across the street.”

Nova Scotian roads wind, so however long you think any trip will take, it’ll take longer and maybe all day in the winter. In rural areas, you will be required to navigate your route by barns, as in, “Take a left at the old Seliq barn and turn right again before you see the Rawding’s place.”

Yes, getting a direction by a landmark you do *not* see is considered helpful and neighborly. Be careful about asking for directions. You live here. You should already know who everyone is and where everything is, anyway.

6. You go to the woods, not the bush. At a beach party, you will be required to comment that a campfire smells better using driftwood for fuel. If by the Bay of Fundy, you will have to mutter, “highest tides in the world.”

7. Sure is not pronounced “Shur.” It’s pronounced “shore,” with emphasis on the “ore.”

When agreeing with an Acadian, don’t say, “Oui,” as if you’re in Paris. In Acadian French, it’s pronounced more duck-like. “Wheh, wheh, wheh!” Always thrice, and sell it with enthusiasm.

To appear agreeable after any assertion, say, “Yeah,” once or twice, but rising on the in-breath. This takes practice, but you’ll hear it everywhere.

You’re trying it right now, aren’t you?

Note: While always acceptable to appear agreeable, new information is to be treated with suspicion. A good rule is, if you haven’t heard something many times, don’t introduce a new thought. You’ll blow your cover.

8. To throw minor shade: “He’s come from away.” This means, “not a Maritimer for two generations.” You could be born in Toronto and live in the Annapolis Valley for 20 years and you’ll still be “that Tronna fella.”

More shade: Call someone an S.O.B. (*not* son of a bitch). This is never to be said to someone’s face, always behind the back. That would be considered impolite unless they’re family, in which case you can be as cruel as you want and call it “just teasin’.”

Highest compliment, “He did well.” “Did well,” means somebody is an S.O.B., but with money.

9. Speak quickly from the back of your throat. Acceptable topics: The weather and town gossip. Until you die, throw in, “If you don’t like the weather, wait a minute.” (This is the height of hilarity.)

That’s about it for topics, though knowing the names of several varieties of apples not commonly found in stores is good. Talk about grafting and you’ll end up marrying someone from Nova Scotia who wears tall rubber boots every day.

10. To really fit in, memorize “Farewell to Nova Scotia.” Sound wistful. Call it God’s Country a lot and enthuse about foghorns. They’re also suckers for Stan Rogers singing “Barret’s Privateers.”

Okay…*everybody* should be a sucker for this song. It’s great!