Podcast: Binge Watched House of Cards Edition

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After immersing myself in the bloody pool that is Frank Underwood, I can’t get that voice out of my head. I only wish House of Cards broke the fourth wall more. There were a couple of heavy-handed moments in this season and it was a slow open. However, overall, I recommend it. No spoilers in this edition of the podcast. In fact, anything I mention about House of Cards is purely tangential. But…that voice. I can’t get that voice out of my head. It’s crowding out all the other voices that usually populate my cranium. So…you’ll see how Frank underwood and I suffer King of the Universe Syndrome.

My sponsor is Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com. He’s not responsible for anything you hate. In fact, that guy’s so sweet he invented butterflies. Check out his portfolio at KitFosterDesign.com for all your amazing graphic design needs.

Pick up your free ebook from me at AllThatChazz.com. It’s called Bigger Than Jesus and it’s about a funny, luckless and short hit man. You’re going to love his quest for love, money and escape from the mob. Enjoy!

PS And don’t forget to subscribe for deals and updates and all sorts of whatnot. Cheers!

~ Chazz

Podcast: Let’s see where this crazy goes

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On today’s edition of All That Chazz, we talk Brian Williams, Left Behind and you. Prepare for an odd mix, but at least it’s short, stimulating and efficient, like bad sex.

This podcast is sponsored by my friend, Kit Foster, of KitFosterDesign.com. For all your graphics needs, check out the portfolio and don’t hold Kit responsible for any content you don’t care for here. 

FREE STUFF!

Also, pick up the free thriller, Bigger Than Jesus. It’s fast, fun and hardboiled action with a lot of jokes between the poignant moments. Get it all and sign up for more deals and awesome updates at AllThatChazz.com.

Podcast: Based on a True Story

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Chazz versus The Man

This week on the All That Chazz podcast, we take a little trip to court and, predictably, complications ensue and things go awry.

This podcast is sponsored by KitFosterDesign.com. For excellent graphic design, check out Kit’s portfolio of striking art. Book covers, ads, and whatever else you need, Kit’s the man.

For all the books by Robert Chazz Chute, access the affiliate links at AllThatChazz.com.

Want a free ebook?

Click the link to grab Bigger Than Jesus, the funny crime novel about a loveable Cuban assassin trying to escape the mob. The book is currently #1 on Amazon’s Assassination list! Check out the whole Hit Man Series at AllThatChazz.com.

Somewhere Down The Crazy River

Listening to Somewhere Down the Crazy River by Robbie Robertson and thinking about sultry nights under heavy moons when you can’t sleep so you walk the streets of the city. You’re not looking for trouble, but you’re open to trouble finding you. The night is to explore and life is waiting to be discovered.

Sometimes you are too much energy mixed with alcohol, no ice, and the night ends with harsh words with boys who want to be men but are untested. They puff out their chests and their legs go stiff, the easier for the breaking. They don’t really want to fight. That’s why they lose.

Sometimes it’s a slow dance on a dirty dance floor. Her: big hair, red, red lipstick, high heels and nothing to say. You: leather jacket, big, sincere smile and a false name.

These are the nights before the path is truly chosen. If you’re lucky, you don’t fall into choosing. You stay upright and conscious and live forever.

If you stay righteous, you walk away from mortality and refuse to get mired in the deep mud. In youth, you have to move like water because fire burns. Mortals get caught by branches and twigs along the narrow path and lose their way into Ordinary. They wind up trapped in canyons that echo the same thoughts off bone walls. They see, hear, taste, speak and live and die nothing new.

The gravel in Robbie Robertson’s voice knows the rough road. His music rises above stupid fights with anonymous wannabes. Somewhere Down the Crazy River is a lazy current to a mystical place where you confront yourself and lose your bullshit in the soulful sound of yearning and needing and wanting more than Ordinary.

It’s a song about how to live, awake and aware. If you don’t want to be mortal, listen to Robbie, over and over, until you are lifted and carried on that slow river of heart and mind.

The one thing you gotta learn is not to be afraid of it. You like it now? You’ll love it later.

Working on Death Lessons

Death Lessons has a lot of jokes in it. Really. It’s a funny dark fantasy about the coming demon Armageddon. Think Buffy, but with more swordplay. Like the first book in the Ghosts & Demons Series, The Haunting Lessons, it’s full of action and misty wistfuls roaming New York City.

Then there are moments like this, where Tamara Smythe comments on her part-time gig working at a funeral home and picking up bodies from crime scenes:

There might not be enough leftovers to piece together a whole skull, of course, but that puzzle was a bony jigsaw for the funeral directors.

Happy Tuesday!

Catch The Haunting Lessons here:

NEW THL COVER JAN 2015 COMPLETE

On Writing and Word Jazz: When anything could happen

I’m listening to “Wind” by Ibrahim Maaloouf. I am inside and outside of the music at the same time. It’s smoky, bluesy jazz, the sort that uses rich, full notes to have a conversation with your soul about emptiness. I am acutely aware of my aching distance from this bar scene, this cherished scar. 

The air is blue. Maybe that’s the lighting or maybe that’s the hanging cigarette smoke, curling and twisting slowly. Maybe that’s my mood. Maaloouf’s muted trumpet is the instrument most like a mournful loon echoing across a lake at night.

The floor is sticky with splashed beer and spilled grenadine. We swirl our drinks, making them last. We all sway slightly in Maaloouf’s wind, to the feelings the musician stirs. Each breath is heat and lime, igniting need and imagination. Rum is a pickpocket, slipping away with our shyness. The city makes us turn away from each other, avoiding eye contact. Maaloouf, in this bar, now, lets us meet each other again.

The suits are sharp and the ties are leather and thin. The fedoras are not ironic. The curvy woman at the bar wears fire engine lipstick. She looks my way as she sucks an ice cube. Cue glances that turn to smouldering gazes and flirtatious smiles. We are each other’s next glorious mistake. Once we leave this room, anything could happen.

Remember when anything could happen? 

The waiting, melancholy rain makes me want to linger over our drinks, contemplating possibilities. There is sadness, but it’s the romantic kind to revel in. It’s okay to be honest about my feelings on a night like this. I won’t be so free to be honest again until I’m in my seventies.

When I listen to Maaloouf, I’m not even thirty. I am awake and I won’t even think of making my way home to my own bed until dawn. Twenty-six? Twenty-seven? The slide has begun, sure, but I can still say my potential isn’t wasted. Not yet. 

I wish I played jazz. I could still write but I could riff. I could play the same song over and over and my audience would plead to hear it again, exactly the same. I could produce art in three or four-minute sprints of genius instead of book-length marathons. You’d dig it and I’d be cool. Every night would be this night, real and unreal, a scene from a movie before the complications ensue.

If I were Maaloouf, I’d hear the applause from the stage. From my desk…. No.

I’m listening to “Wind” by Ibrahim Maaloouf. There is sadness, but it’s the romantic kind to revel in. I can almost taste the santo libre. 

#Podcast: Wombats and Brickbats

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Meet Joe Contradiction! He’s a sweet old guy, and by that I mean his blood sugar is alarmingly high. Have some sweet tea, listen to the crickets and enjoy!

This podcast is sponsored by Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com, who is not in any way responsible for any content that crosses your eyes, sets your hair on fire and makes you uncomfortable. For all your graphics needs, check out Kit’s portfolio at KitFosterDesign.com.

It’s Feb 3, 2015 and seven of my books are marked down to 99 cents within the next 24 to 48 hours. It’s a pulse sale. That means the deals won’t last long. Head to AllThatChazz.com and click the affiliate links in the sidebar to the right to get your next book of fun, fantasy and danger cheap!

If you enjoy the new format for the show, please leave a review so more people can find the  my new weird.

Cheers and thanks for listening!

~ Chazz

Book reviews: In case you didn’t know…

Sometimes when I review a book, I do a video review. Yes, you can do that on Amazon. For instance, yesterday I gave a review to Audiobooks for Indies by Simon Whistler. If you have the time, video reviews are great.

However, if you don’t have the time, a review doesn’t have to be an elaborate, divinely crafted time suck. Just a sentence or two saying you want to join the cult and have the author’s babies will do just fine.

Seriously, though, if you enjoyed a book, please do spread the word. That’s how the last book makes the next book possible.

For your consideration. Thanks! Now go have a great day, or make it a great day.

~ Chazz

The All New All That Chazz

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This is a rising from the ashes, let’s go crush our enemies type of thing. Buckle up for a brand new Chazz, full of fun.

As we bury the old podcast, we explain how the pit bull’s lipstick has faded but we won’t podfade! This podcast is short, punchy and full of jokes and not a little self-loathing. It’s a new year and a new do. 

This podcast is sponsored by the sweet mad genius, Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com. For all your graphics and advertising needs, hit him up. Don’t forget to tell him Chazz sent you.

See you in a few days. In the meantime, please subscribe for updates, advanced reading copies, review copies, deals and more through AllThatChazz.com. That’s also a great place to get your books. (Look to the sidebar to your right for suspense, thrillers, and more of the funny.)

Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed the new All That Chazz podcast, please leave a review to spread the word of my resurrection.

Cheers!

~ Chazz