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Welcome to All That Chazz
Stress, pain, energy & time: Master them here.
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My Criminal Autobiography
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Murders Among Dead Trees
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Author Denise DeSio asked about kale shakes. (My buddy and graphic artist, Kit Foster, thinks I’m insane for drinking them and sent me the above graphic for a laugh.) I started a reply to Denise on ChazzWrites, but then my short answer got away from me. Here’s how I make my kale shakes for weight loss, mental acuity, health and a general feeling of awesomeness. (I’m not a doctor. I just remember what smart people say.)
First, the kale shakes: There are a lot of recipes out there, but I add at least a fistful of kale to a blender with a cup of water; add a small pear or two and a little coconut oil to a food processor or blender and set the speed to “liquefy to death”. The coconut oil adds healthy fat, is filling and sweet and increases absorption of fat-soluble vitamins. Put the kale and water in first for easier blending. If your blender sucks, get straws with an extra-large circumference intended for thick milkshakes.
My drinks vary. I add protein powder and a carrot (for colour and beta carotene) or an avocado (for texture). Some people call it juice fasting. I call my shakes “liquified salads” that allow me to eat more vegetables than I otherwise would. It’s much more convenient, filling and pleasant than doing my rabbit impression.
Some kale shakes are more aggressive in their nutritional payload and punch, and include cayenne pepper, ginger or garlic. Experiment to find the right mix of fruits and vegetables. Strawberries are sweet but don’t have too many calories if you don’t go too crazy. Bananas are sweet, but they add too much sugar to be helpful (high glycemic index). The more cruciferous vegetables, the better.
For variety, I’ll have almond milk as a coffee with a bit of baking cocoa. I start each day with coffee with ghee (or grass-fed butter) so I feel full longer and eat much less than I used to. All those healthy fats increase satiety so the number of calories consumed goes way down and, contrary to the low-fat diet mantra that’s failed us miserably, the right kinds of fats actually combat cardiovascular disease. Fat and portion control is the answer to what cardiologists refer to as the French Paradox (i.e. The French are healthier than North Americans yet consume more fat.) We aren’t what we eat. We are the lies we swallow.
For more on the joys of almond milk, veganism and the struggle to eat better, listen to my podcast discussion with Mark Young, the smartest and tallest vegan I know. Mark’s blog is MondaysAreMeatless.
I still eat meat, but less so. I’m more Paleo diet than vegan, though I’m eating less of everything and vegetables are the main focus. For instance, I used to eat more luggage when forced to wait in airport lounges. Small children weren’t safe.
For years people have been running away from coconut oil and avocado, but they’re full of good fats (omega 3s and 6s.) If coconut isn’t for you, consider neutral-tasting MCT oil for the healthy, medium-chain fatty acids. I avoid sugar whenever possible. I’ve begun to get away from Aspartame because, now that I’m not anaesthetizing myself to my psychic pain with simple carbs, I feel more sensitive to my reactions to foods and chemicals. I opt more for xylitol or stevia as sweeteners. (Too much xylitol and you’re in the bathroom, jetting for lift-off.)
I also feel much sharper mentally now that I’m riding the green train. White bread, white rice, simple carbs and processed foods make me sleepy (when they don’t leave me hungrier.) You know you’re getting older when a couple of slices of Wonder Bread put you in a coma. I’ve eliminated pop. I exercise more and I’m sleeping better. Though I use a treadmill desk, writers are still so damn sedentary there’s really no choice but to move more if we hope to live long enough to see our books published. We have to take care of ourselves. I’m thinking of hiring a big guy to chase me.
The diet alterations are working for me. I started out with a kale shake a day and have graduated to two or even three instead of canned and processed crap. Grocery shopping is cheaper and takes much less time now because I buy leaves at farmers’ markets. (“Ooh, kale!” I say. “That would taste good chopped into a molecular paste with garlic and a half a cup of blueberries!”
For more on Upgraded Coffee and surprising brain and body hacks, check out BulletproofExec.com.
McDonalds used to have crap coffee. It tasted so bad, I thought it was a mistake. Then I tried it again and it tasted just as bad. Then they wanted to compete with Tim Hortons and Starbucks and improved. On my next try, I thought the McDonalds’ coffee wasn’t bad (and it was all I’d consume there.) However, after drinking it, I’d always feel awful and sleepy soon after. I found out why: It’s the mold we’re drinking in cheap coffee.
As a writer, I’m incredibly sedentary. I’m drinking, and chewing, kale shakes with some positive results to combat becoming puddin’. When I eat cookies, cakes and carbs, I feel lethargic. Knock back a kale shake and I feel energetic and focussed. But I missed the coffee. I drink almond milk as coffee, but was overloading on aspartame.
Next addition to the arsenal? Coffee, but not your dad’s coffee. Strong coffee filled with slimming MCT oil, coconut oil and unsalted creamy butter loaded with the kind of fats that are healthy for your brain and make you feel full.
I’m working on brain and body hacks using Bulletproof Exec. I can’t afford shipping in coffee, but I do have access to fire roasted coffee that seems fine. (It’s the mold and mycotoxins often found on coffee beans that make you feel like crap and when I drink the fire roasted stuff, I feel fine. I experimented with the butter (ghee) and MCT oil and coconut oil today. WIth a little bit of Xylitol (or stevia) it’s okay. It doesn’t taste as great as a latte loaded with sugar and cream, but the options I’m working with now might save my life, so there’s that.
Books by Robert Chazz Chute. Book covers by Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com. I’m just putting the finishing touches on my crime novel, Higher Than Jesus. The ebook will be out soon and the paperback will be launched soon after that. (Lots of things happening all at once at Ex Parte Press these days.)
This afternoon I took my son to see Here Comes the Boom, a fun little movie with Kevin James and Joe Rogan. It’s an extremely unlikely story about a 42-year-old biology teacher competing in the UFC to raise enough cash to save his high school’s music program. Henry Winkler plays the music teacher, a guy so endearing, who wouldn’t want to save him? It’s worth a few laughs and it’s sweet. It must have been okay because the moment I sat down I spilled half my son’s Slushie down my ass. I stayed and watched and got into it, though my left cheek didn’t heat up until I got home and had a hot shower.
The thing is, there’s a moment in there that made me cry (not the Slushie thing). I won’t spoil it with details. If you see it, though, it’s the moment Kevin James asks the gorgeous Salma Hayek, “How did you do this?” She replies, “I called him!”
Cut to Joe Rogan, the generous guy. I happen to know that Joe Rogan is exceedingly generous in real life: Hundred dollar tips to waiters for a bagel; helping his friends out; being kind to strangers. Like that.
And my heart said, “Chazz, you gotta be more Rogan.”
I have to do better. I’ve paid my dues and it’s time to be a success. I’m going to make that happen. I want to be the guy who does well enough to be more generous, to inspire others more , to help out more. I will, because I’m also the guy who gets things done. You know how I do that? Deciding. Then decide to do it again, and again and again and so on. The only way up that mountain is one step at a time, moment by moment.
I’m launching a bunch of books soon: non-fiction to inspire other writers and fiction to help people forget their troubles. That’s one part of what’s coming. Stay tuned. In the meantime, be more Rogan.